Yours and Mine
by diamondisis
Summary: Brooke has always been Adam's rock. A big sister who was always there for Adam. But when Brooke becomes sick the tables are turned and for the first time Adam is in the roll of the big brother. Can he handle it or will he eventually crack under pressure?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 Brooke:**

Mike and I are about to engage in our evening sex, but tonight I am just not feeling it. As a matter a fact I haven't been feeling it for the past couple of weeks, but at least I've been going through the motions tonight I'm not even doing that. I push myself up to the head of the bed and press my back tightly against the headboard. I curl my knees up to my chest. "What's wrong babe?" Mike asks,

"Why'd you stop? aren't you having fun" I pull the covers up to my chin and rest it there. It suddenly dawns on me that I am freezing despite the fact that we live in Tampa Florida. "Mike I'm not feeling it today" I say, "Babe what's wrong?" He asks again, "It's not me is it?" I prey to god that he hasn't noticed that I haven't been feeling it for weeks. "No" I say in a quiet voice. "Really?" Mike asks,

"Because you do seem kind of distant lately" So I guess he has noticed. The thing about Mike and I is we are a very off again on again couple, we've broken up and gotten back together so many times it's ridiculous, this must be our 6th or 7th time back together, it's so hard to keep track. We have been dating for 2 years now which is as anyone may have guessed the longest we've stayed together. "I don't really want to talk about it" I say quietly. "Great" Mike says, "just great." I then very suddenly find myself interrupting him. The words just kind of pop out of me like some weird sort of tourette syndrome. "I'm sick" I say, and I honestly can't explain to him why I said it, I don't know that for sure, I've been trying to avoid doctors which has been hard seeing that I am a second year resident in medical school, Mike smiles lopsided. "You're just getting over something" He says. "It's probably just taking a while for you to recover" He kisses me on the top of the head. "I think you'll be fine. but all right no sex tonight you got it"

"He is absolutely right I am getting over something, and I do not mean I'm just getting over a common cold from a week ago, I actually was hospitalized for three different diseases, the cold not being one of them and by just getting over something does not mean just a week ago either, try a month ago. As a matter a fact I should be better by now, but I'm not, I haven't recovered from those three diseases so there must be something else wrong with me.

It all started when one night out of the blue I suddenly developed a strange habit of waking myself up choking and coughing it had happened three times that night. I have never had any sleep problems ever nor do I have a family history of sleeping problems so it was of course very unusual. By my third choking spell Mike who was usually a very heavy sleeper (Obviously since he wasn't woken up by the other two) rolled over and seemed as awake as could be. "You all right babe?" He asked me. "Brooke sweetie? Are you choking?" All I could do was nod my head yes. Mike had called the ambulance and I was instantly rushed through the hospital. It was found out that all though I had my tonsils out when I was 10 years old they had apparently grown back 19 years later. Not only had they grown back, but they had grown to be twice their size and were blocking my airways. On top of that, I also had an extreme case of double Pneumonia as well as mono, all three problems were apparently completely unrelated. But you know me, I'm just a bunch of loose idea's tied into one huge rubber band ball of mess. I know that as a second year in medical residency I should be using more intellegent language and that, that would be more forgivable if I were an Intern or maybe an adorable little freshman in Medical school (Undergrad that is), you know it's how an unintelligable med student would describe someone with a bunch of unrelated health issues, I guess a special snowflake would work too but how un medical sounding is that? Anyway what a mess. I can't say I ever remember being so much of a mess. If anyone in our family is a mess it's my younger brother Adam, cross that out WAS my brother Adam. He has now gone off to college and has recently launched his career in teaching, I'd say for the time he's one of the most together people I know. So now I guess it's my turn to be the mess. The loose idea's tied into one huge rubber band ball of mess that is. At least Adam was a straight forward mess. A refreshingly straight forward mess that is. I guess I would be lying If I were to say I'd never been that thing I just said I was (Don't really feel like spelling it all out again thank you very much) After all there was Freshman year of college. That year I had developed some sort of a seizure disorder, not like Grande Mall Epileptic seizures or anything like that, more like short moments where I would space out and completely forget where I was, other times I would be eating in the cafeteria and I would freeze whilst going through the motions of eating. Those seizures were of course less like seizures because I was completely aware of them, but very similar to cataplexy, Locked in Syndrome, or Stiff Person's Syndrome. Instantly I would become the center of attention at the entire table,

"Are you okay Brooke?" Someone would ask, "What's wrong Brooke?" Someone else would ask. "What happened Brooke?" Someone else would ask,

"Should we call 911?" Other's were ask. Other's were not so nice. "Look's like Dumb Blonde's back" That's right. I was nicknamed Dumb Blond even though I am not by any means dumb, It was the damn seizure's that earned me the nick name. Because of all the attention I was getting negative and positive it didn't matter to me, I stopped eating in the cafeteria. Eventually I stopped going to class to avoid humiliation as well after experiencing another kind of embarrassing kind of seizure where I would have smacking or chewing spells, fortunately those seizures were very rare because man were they ever embarrassing as I've already said. Also like the catatonic spells those seizures also weren't really seizures because I was also very well aware of them

"Ms Kennedy, you know very well I have a strict policy against chewing gum in class." My Anatomy and Physiology Prof had said, "You better go spit it out" "What?" I had asked. "You heard me, go spit out your gum" There were a couple of giggles from the classroom. "Right" I said. "My gum" I couldn't bring myself to tell him I wasn't chewing any gum, I would rather have him think that I was just being a bad student then have him think that I was having a seizure. I stood up from my seat in the front row (Lucky me having a seat in the front row) and headed over to the back of the classroom where the garbage was, only when I was to about the fourth row of seats I completely spaced out and forgot where I was. "Ms Kennedy?" The Proffessor asked.

"Are you all right?" "I'm sorry" I said, "I got uh side tracked" "Are you feeling all right?" The Proffessor asked, "Do you need to go to the nurse?" I didn't say anything, I just bolted out the door and rushed back to my dorm room where I stayed for the rest of the day. It was the story of my life Freshman year I would have said I had become a total Hihikumori but I did leave the room to go to soccer practice, where I completely blew out my knee doing pretty much nothing which was as you guessed it another unrelated health issue. Without soccer or class or the cafeteria I kept to my room and I slipped into what I thought was a deep depression but now that I think about it was more likely a complete mental breakdown. I said few words to my roommate Genica which was really sad because we got along so well the first couple months of school. Pretty soon it just annoyed me when she went out of her way to try to include me and try to snap me out of my funk. She eventually gave up trying and we drifted apart which was fine by me, that way she would never have to find out about my embarassing seizures.

"Unfortunately one day she did find out. I was sitting on my bed eating a cup of noodles, my mouth was open and was filled with a fork full of noodles. It was one of the rare times I actually ate something, I was becoming a stick figure I could tell, but food just wouldn't go down, nor would it stay down. Genica had come back into the room because apparently she had forgotten her Math book. "Hey just hear to get my math book" She said, she then took one look at me, her eyes became wide as dinner plates (And I mean that in the least literal sense of course) and she dropped her duffle and ran over to me. "Brooke?" She cried. (Literally cried that is) She is not a pretty cryer but is anyone? "Are you okay?" "Brooke hey!" She said waving her hand in my face. I snapped out of it and instantly choked on the huge wad of noodles that was in my mouth. Genica put her hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?" She asked gently. "Brooke what happened?" I coughed up the wad of noodles and burst into tears. "Hey it's okay" Genica said stroking my hair (Not in a lesbian way, okay maybe a little, but I'm pretty sure she had a boyfriend if I remember correctly) "I' I need to go to the hospital" I stammer. "It's it's getting really bad." "What is?" She asked. I just couldn't bother to tell her about my seizures or that I barely did a single thing to blow out my knee. "Just it" I said, "Just go to class" I said. "You expect me to go to class?" She had asked. "No way, I'm staying with you, you might have another fit? Why didn't you tell me you were epileptic it's really no big deal that you are" "Because I'm not" I found myself snapping at her and I didn't really mean to snap at her, she'd been nothing but nice to me. "Fine then" Genica said, "I'll see you after class, let me know what the doctor says" She then took her duffle and ran off to class. I did end up going to the doctor eventually. Well technically the student health center. Let's just say it was a huge bust. I started crying deep chested sobs and told him that I was miserable but for some unexplainable reason I couldn't explain why I was miserable. He ended up "Prescribing" me with various over the counter pain medicines. Fuck that. Up until now I came to realize that I had nothing to worry about after that the seizure's disappeared and I was able to come back from my complete mental breakdown. But now I realize I had every reason in the world to be worried. Things haven't been the same since I was hospitalized with that unrelated trio of diseases. First of all there is the presisant cough, it seems like I at least have Pneumonia in one of my lungs still. My appatite has also been really suffering, I used to love all kinds of food especially things like prime rib and filet Mignon and rumor has it breakfast food (It's okay I guess but it's not my favorite) Now however the only thing I'm ever hungry for is plain buttered noodles and other equally bland foods. I'm sure Mike is sick of making pasta for me every night, (The athletes diet) especially since I'm only ever able to get a couple of bites. It is really nice of him to go out of his way to boil a new box of past for me every instead of making reheating it from the night before. Another thing that is really suffering is my gag reflexes, I never had a bad gag reflex by any means before but now it's completely over activated. I used to love playing the Oboe, in high school I was the master of the double life, I was both on the cool soccer team and on the totally geeky marching band, I floated between both crowds being a jock/geek hybrid. Unfortunately when I tried to play my Oboe I vomited all over the instrument and I'm pretty sure It's ruined now. Sometimes my gag reflex would just become activated for absolutely no reason whatsoever like when I was working at the hospital the other day (During one of my first days back at work since I got sick that is) here's the thing. I wasn't even doing anything remotely gross, I was just putting the doctors gloves on for him and I vomited everything that I had eaten that day which was a vanilla blizzard from Dairy Queen (Which was basically just soft served vanilla Ice cream in a blizzard cup) and a cherry soda, (Best tasting throw up ever) all over him. He gave me the rest of the day off.

"Do you want to just go to bed?" Mike asks. "Yeah I guess" I say. I am awoken again, not by choking but by some weird kind of sneezing fit or something. Mike turns on the light and sits up in bed next to me.

"You okay?" He asks me. He helps me out of bed.

"Let's go clean off the throw up" he says, I don't know what he's talking about until I realize that this weird spray stuff has been coming out of my mouth. I can't even vomit right anymore apparently. I continuing vomiting (or trying to vomit I suppose you might call it) as we make our way towards the bathroom. It tastes terrible like the chinese take out we got. That's right Mike really is sick of making me buttered noodles. I wonder if I might be having an allergic reaction to something, maybe I have suddenly developed a peanut allergy although I'm pretty sure the Kung Pao Pork, Beef and Snow Peas and Mango Chicken didn't have peanuts. I suppose they do almost always use peanut oil in Chinese food though. I can not stop the fit. "You okay?" Mike asks. Tears stream down my cheeks as I shake my head. I can feel myself suffocating. My throat becomes so closed that I suffocate and collapse to my knees.

"Brooke Hey" Mike says shaking me I can feel myself start to foam out of my mouth."Are you all right?" Mike asks for the third time that night. I am unable to answer

"C'mon Brooke" Mike says right away. "We're going to the hospital" He than picks me up, swaddles me in our bed sheets and carries me out to the car, I can not seem to stop throwing up on him, but he doesn't seem to care right now he just cares about getting me to the emergency room

"I'm not really sure how long I have been out but the next thing I know the doctor a doctor is shining a light down my throat. "Well this is quite unusual" The doctor says putting on his glasses.

"What is?" Mike asks, "It looks like her tonsils have completely blocked off her airway. "What wait! How could that be?" Mike asks, "She just had her tonsils out a month ago which was already weird enough in of it's self since she had her tonsils removed when she was a little girl" I throw up all over the doctor well the way someone with over grown tonsils would that is. That has got to be a record that is the second time I've thrown up on a doctor. "Is she going to have to have a tonsilectomy?" "Of course" The doctor says. It frightens me to think that I'm probably going to need a tonsilectomy every single month. It's probably going to be that every time my tonsils grow back in they're going to be enlarged a bit. Very rarely patients come in who have regrown their tonsils due to having special abilities where they can regenerate similar to how some species of lizards are able to regrow their limbs if cut off. On paper it sounds like it would be really cool, but if it means things like needing a tonsilectomy every month then it's really not so awesome. Thankfully I'm pretty sure that I don't have the power of regeneration, if I had that my knee would have healed it's self right away and I wouldn't have had to have a complete replacement also I probably would have recovered from the three diseases which I clearly haven't.

"This is just ridiculous" Mike says, grabbing my hand tightly. Frustration drips from his voice, although I can tell that he is trying very hard not to sound frustrated. "She just had a tonsilectomy, is she going to need one every month now? Every week? Every day?"

I might have a pretty good idea of what he is thinking. If things continue to go that way, he may be stuck having to put my food through a blender every night, which would be maybe 50 billion steps down from making buttered noodles every night. On the other hand he could go back to making normal stuff like steaks on the grill just as long as my portion goes through the blender everyone's happy. I realize that I am projecting my thoughts on to him and that of course that is not what he is thinking. How silly of me to think so. How stupid of me. "We may be getting a little bit far ahead or ourselves there son" The Doctor tells Mike, "All I can say is she needs to have her tonsils out right now before she suffocates to desk. A nurse hooks me up to some morphine and wheels me down to the opporrating room. Now Mike is crying. Really crying as in snot is running down his nose crying.

"By the time I wake up I am in some strange room which I figure must be the recovory room. My throat hurts tramendously, like even worse then it did when I had my tonsils in, tonsils are supposed to protect people from getting really bad sore throats and without them, sore throats are about 50 billion times more miserable, the feeling is very similar to the consistancy of raw hamburger, prickly raw hamburger that is, it also feels like I have a whole colony of bumble bee stingers only the stingers that is. I suppose that is a terrible analogy. After all the stingers wouldn't be able to work without being attached to the bees, after all once the bees are dead the stingers have no use. I should know that. It is after all basic biology. I feel stupid for letting myself think such a stupid thought, but I suppose I was given a heavy dose of morphine and anethesia, which I assume has warn off by now and that is why I am in so much pain. It hurts so much I cry. The nurse let's herself in shortly. She is carrying a big jar

"What's that?" I ask, my voice of course coming out raspy and throaty,

"These are your tonsils" She says nervously. I can't imagine why she is showing me my tonsils, let alone why she has kept my tonsils in the first place. "Why are you showing me my tonsils?" I ask, "Well" she says "Take a look, It's very unusual you will find" I take one look and find that yes it is very unusual, I have never seen tonsils that enlarged, much less from my own body, It appears that they must have at least gone as far as my esophogas

"How are you feeling Are you all right?" The nurse asks, "Yeah Why?" I ask, "Just that was quite the procedure" She says "My throat hurts" I moan "Can I have some ice cream or morphine" The nurse giggles a tiny bit, "Sure we could get you some ice cream" She says, "But I'm afraid we can't give you Morphine because we're going to want you fully awake when the doctor runs some tests, "Test what kinds of tests?" "He's going to ask you some questions about your medical history and maybe run some biopsy's spinal taps and other stuff. I shutter. "You okay?" The nurse asks. "I'm just cold" I lie. I am cold that much is true but I am not just cold I am also scared to death. "Would you like a blanket?" She asks. "Sure" I say absently. "I'll be back shortly, would you like chocolate or vanilla?" She asks. "Huh?" I ask, because I really had no idea that blankets came in flavors. "You said you wanted ice cream" She said. "Chocolate or vanilla?" "I don't really care" I say, "Whichever"

"All righty" she says. I really don't want any ice cream at all when I asked for Ice cream or morphine the thing I wanted was well morphine. The nurse returns with a paisley blanket that already looks like it's going to be super itchy for my already super sensitive skin. As pathetic as it may sound, I am probably already developing a rash just from looking at the thing. As for the ice cream she has ended up chosing a chocolate and vanilla duo cup. "Thanks" I say unenthusiastically. I expect the ice cream to at least sooth my excruciating sore throat a little but instead it does just the opposite, instead of having a nice smooth texture that you would expect ice cream to have it is rough and grainy causing me to cough fitfully.

"Good heavens, you okay?" The nurse asks. I set the ice cream cup on my bed post. "This ice cream hurts my throat" I say and she must think I'm really idiosyncratic and weird. "What do you mean sweetie?" She asks, I really feel like she is laughing at me. "It's so grainy" I complain.

"Hospital ice cream" She says apologetically, "You'll get used to it after a while, "It's known for being kind of bad quality, would you like something else for your pain?" "Morphine" I moan miserably. The nurse gives me a generous squeeze of the hand, "You're going to wait until after the doctor does your tests" She says, "In the mean time I could give you an IB Profin would that work okay for now" "Don't you have anything stronger like Vicoden?" "Sorry sweetie" the nurse apologizes, she is a little too touchy feely for my liking I find. "But Vicoden's a very powerful drug and when it kicks in you're not going to be able to give the doctor fully accurate answers." I have taken Vicoden before for my knee and I don't remember it causing any fun trippy effects it just caused me to be angry, constipated and not hungry, oxycontin didn't cause any fun or trippy effects either though it basically caused the same terrible effects as Vicoden but well worse, plus some other terrible effects like crippling anxiety. Morphine on the other hand. Morphine is fun. If anything that works too well for me. I was prescribed Morphine pills for my injury in addition to the Oxy and Vicoden, I would take them during the afternoon and would sleep all day, as it was my only escape from the terrible real world. The morphine pills ran out almost as fast as they were prescribed so basically on top of everything else I also had a drug problem. Now that made two of us in the family, but when Adam did drugs he was out doing them with his stripper friends at night, not in his dorm room alone in the middle of the afternoon. "Vicoden doesn't effect me the way it effects most people" I say folding my arms across my chest. "I'm sorry" The nurse says, "But you're going to have to deal with just an IB profin for now" "Fine" I say as she hands me the red pills and a cup of cold water. "Atta girl" She says patting my back. "The doctor will be with you shortly" By shortly I guess she means a couple of hours or at least that's what it feels like, I am all alone scared, cold and miserable. The tylonal or IB profin or whatever the nurse has given me hasn't worked at all. My throat continues to burn and I wonder if it is at all possible to miss your tonsils. It must be. Because I miss mine. /span/p

The doctor let's himself in. It turns out to be none other then Dr. Paul McCarthy, not to be confused with Paul McCartney the former Beatle. Paul and I go way back. We have been working together since I had my part time job as a filing clerk during the summer before my Freshman year at College, and had continued working their the next couple of summers and later started to go steady with him. So as you can imagine this is incredibly awkward. I have also shadowed him a couple of times with my first year intern group which doesn't really help the awkward factor too much.

"Hello Brooke" He says holding out his hand. I shake it woodenly. "I'm sorry I have to see you under such bad situations" He says. I shrug. "So I got some of your medical records but I'm also going to want to talk to you about some stuff"

"K" I say which is more of a letter of the alphabet then a sentence but whatever. "According to this document, you were hospitalized in June with double pneumonia, tonsilitis and mono" "right" I say staring down at the ground. "This one here says that you had a complete knee replacement in 2030, and of course we know now that you had an emergence tonsilectomy for unusual tonsil growth." He sets down the documents.

"Other then that? We've got nothing. I was hoping you could give me some additional information if you could" I guess the reason their is nothing documented about my seizure disorder is because I never ended up telling any doctors about it, I'm sure the student health doctor wasn't in any way shape or form willing to write any me any medical evaluations, he probably just saw me as a whiney histrionic annoyance. "There's more about 2007" I say. "That was the year you started college yes?" He asks, "You were so excited to start Freshman year that summer" "Yeah too bad it had to suck so much" I say. He puts down his glasses and starts jotting down a new set of notes. "Tell me a little bit about Freshman year, I know about the knee injury already, according to the document you were playing a pretty brutal game"

"No" I say shaking my head. "No what?" He asks, "It wasn't a brutal game at all. I probably lied. I mean I definitely lied. It was during practice, we hadn't even started playing yet I blew my knee out putting on my shin gaurds. I can feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment. "I'm sure you can see why I'd make up a story to make it seem less embarrassing right?" I ask. "Yes I could see that" He says. "I think we're getting somewhere." "I was just a mess Freshman year of College" I say, "A bunch of loose idea's tied into one huge rubber band ball of mess." I feel myself blushing again.

"I'm sorry" I say, "I'm second year resident I shouldn't be using such idiotic speak" Paul lets out a kind of sad chuckle. "No it's all right" He says,

"Quite poetic" "I had seizures" I blurt out. "Seizures eh?" He asks. "Yes but not like the typical epileptic kinds more like" "Petite Mal Seizures?" Paul guesses. "Well some of them I wouldn't say were really seizures at all, like sometime's I would just altogether freeze in place, "Like cataplexy" Paul says, "Right" I say, "Other times I would have lip smacking moments I don't think those were really seizures either because I was well aware of them. But then their were the third kind which were actual seizures where I would just space out and completely forget where I was or what I was talking about. I was dubbed the dumb blonde for those attacks by my classmates, "Well that's not very nice or fair of your classmates now is it?" Paul asks. "Of course it's fair" I say shrugging, "They didn't know" "Were you on any anti seizure meds?" He asks. "Brooke?" He asks when I don't answer him right away, "Are you all right Brooke?" "I'm thinking?" I say. "Are you sure?" He asked, "Because it looked to me like you were having one of your seizures you were talking about." Was I? I had been seizure free for 10 years now. "Um no I don't think so" I say, "After Freshman year of College I never had seizures again" Paul continues to jot down notes. "So you're okay?" He asks. "What?" "So you didn't have a seizure just now you don't think?" He asks, "I don't think so no" I answer. "All righty" He says. "Were you on any new or different medications that year that may have caused the seizures, "just prozac which I'd taken since 6th grade" I say, "I've basically been battling depression since puberty" He jots down notes I assume it is something about my history with depression and prozac. "My depression worsened during freshman year" I tell him.

"All right Brooke" He says, "Now that we've got this part over with let's get going with the physical part you ready Brooke?" "Ready as I'll ever be I guess" I say, "What are you going to do?" "Full body scan" He says, "Come with me" He helps me into a wheelchair and wheels me up to the lab. He asks me to take off my cloths and dress into a robe and then step into the machine. I remember this procedure from when I injured my knee but last time it hadn't been a full body MRI. I shudder. "Brooke you all right?" Paul asks, "Cold" I moan, "It's going to take 45 minutes." For some reason that seems like centuries.

Finally Paul releases me and sends me back into my recovery room. "The nurse will be in with your results" He tells me. The nurse shows up much faster than I thought she would, Paul goes over to talk to her. They talk for quite some time. I know that this is not going to be good. The nurse leaves and Paul comes over to my bed stand with the MRI "Well I've got some good news and some bad news for you Brooke which do you want to hear first" "Good" I say because it is almost guaranteed that 100% of the time people are going to want the good news first and about 99.9% of the time the good news sucks. "All righty then" He says, "The good news is we have a diagnosis" See what I mean? I suppose it's better to have a diagnosis then to go your whole life not being able to put a name to what's wrong with you. You know what? Bullshit! It's just as terrifying and sucks just as much having something with a name tagged to it. "What kind of diagnosis" "Well" Paul says, "Based on the pea shaped nodules on your connective tissue, the double jointedness and Chiari malfunction of your brain and Spinal Cord, I believe you have a condition called Ehlers Danlo's Syndrome. So that's what it s called and yes it does suck as much as having an un named disease. Just thinking about the pea shaped nodules on my connective tissue makes me feel like gagging. Peas just make me gag in general. I remember sitting at the table when I was a little kid crying and gagging while my mom forced me to eat my peas before leaving the table. But now having something like that in my body? And that disease is already just about as gag inducing as you can possibly "B'Bucket" I moan. Paul hands me a bucket while I throw up the chocolate and vanilla ice cream cup. "You all right?" Paul asks. "What's the bad news then?" I ask. Paul sighs heavily.

"The bad news is, your tonsils grew back in" "What already?" I ask, "You must be joking" "No" Paul says, "No joke, we're going to do another tonsilectomy. We'll get you some morphine and get you going" I am once again wheeled back into the opporating room. Mike quickly gets the news and rushes in to see me. "Are you all right?" He asks me. I am hooked up to morphine so I am already feeling a little loopy. "Ehler Danlos Syndrome I has it" I say. "I know" Mike says. "That's what Paul said." "Can I have my phone?" I ask I am not sure how I managed not to mess up that sentence. "Of course" Mike says


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Adam**

It is the First Semester of the First day of school, but the last period of class, as a matter a fact I am down to the last 30 minutes of class. I teach a class on Music and Lyrics at Tampa Beach Alternative School a school for kids who are at risk. Kids who are like how I used to be in High school, only I went to the public school. This semester they have scheduled me for 3rd period and 8th period. So I know what you're probably all thinking. It's kind of an obscure class, I hate to admit it but it would never make it at the public high school, but it has always been something I've been interested in and it's a great way for kids to get a music education course in without having to play an instrument. The music we study in the class ranges from the late 50's to todays current hits. Today after having the kids listen to music and and do some group Icebreakers I have asked them to write little introduction essays about themselves and about what their favorite songs are and what they mean to them.

"All right" I say, looking up at the clock "The bell is about to go off for today, so let's finish up our essays and hand them forward" I am amazed by this group of kids they are so good and well behaved compared to my lazy third period kids who were quite the challenge, this group just seems so polite and amiable I wish I could be with them all day but what can you do? "Is this everybody?" I ask as soon as all the papers are passed forward onto my desk "Well no" William Johnston a real wholesome looking kid with dirty blonde hair and a checkered shirt says apathetically, he was quite an entertaining guy when he introduced himself during the ice breaker, "Do you have it?" I ask.

"Nope" The kid says apathetically, "Why Not?" I ask I find my tone growing a bit sharp. Just then the bell rings all the kids including William line up for the door. "William" I say sharply. "See me" William walks up to my desk. "Why not?" I ask firmly.

"I just don't like doing homework" William says looking very earger to go. "Look William" I say, "This was not a homework assignment, you were supposed to do it IN CLASS and I think it's a pretty bone headed move on your part to just go to a class and not do the work got it?" "I guess I could do it for homework" He says, "But I never do homework so probably not" There is just no getting through to this kid. He is not a bad kid or anything, he is really interesting and would probably have a lot to say if he sat down and did his homework once in a while. "Look I'm sorry I called you a bonehead" I say, "That wasn't a very nice thing of me to say and on top of that it was very unprofessional but you do know that part of going to this class is doing the work don't you?" William shrugs his shoulders. "You sighed up for this class didn't you?" I ask.

"Well yeah" He says, "Well If you're not going to meet the expectations then maybe you should drop the class"

"Yeah maybe" He says. I really don't know how with this kid but right now I realize I'm going to have to put that problem on hold for a while because my phone is beeping out of control. It's been beeping during class, but I know I'm not supposed to answer it. I see that I have gotten a new message. "I got to take this" I say heading out into the hall. The message is from my sister Brooke. It is very incoherent but it sounds like she is most definintly crying. Usually I am the one who is crying over the phone not only that but I am also the one who is leaving the incoherent messages. Yes that happens quite often (The crying not the incoherence at least not so much anymore) like whenever my girlfriend Bernadette and I break up or when a kid is mean to me or when a parent is mean to me and also quite a lot during my days as a stripper. I was the one who needed her but now it seems like the tables have been turned and now she needs me. I instantly punch in her number. "Hello" Brooke says her voice sounding teary,

"Brooke it's Adam you sent me a very weird message Are you okay?" Brooke then sobs uncontrollably like I have done so many times. "Brooke? What's wrong?" I ask.

"I'm sick Adam" She says, "I have Ehler Danlo's Syndrome" I briefly know what that is because our dad's older sister our Aunt Beverly has a very mild case of that, it is however her least favorite thing ever to talk about. "Brooke that's terrible" I say. "Listen if you want to crash with me and Bernadette for a few days then you can would you like that?" "Sure" She says, "Can Mike come too?" She asks.

"Yeah sure" I say. "You guys can stay as long as you need to" It suddenly occurs to me at the age of 27 I am finally about to become a big brother to my 29 year old sister. I don't know how to be a big brother because I never had to be one. Brooke has always been my rock, as a matter a fact I really don't think I would be where I am today without her in fact. She had after all actively helped me apply for colleges and reconstruct my life. Now it is time for me to give back to her. "We'll have the house ready for you and Mike by 12:00 tomorrow"

I find myself saying, I hear and see myself say the words but they feel very foreign coming off my tongue somehow. It then occurs to me that I had just invited "Brike" to stay with us for who knows how long without even confirming it with Bernadette. I mean who does that. Just inviting people to move in with you is kind of really drastic. Not that I could see her being completely uncool with it or anything because I think she'd totally be cool with it, after all just a couple weeks ago we had her Identical twin sister Vallarie who is Epileptic and has been since puberty live with us. Vallarie is one of those people who is really into the whole live life to the fullest thing which got really annoying after a week. As much as I love Bernadette's sister, she just has WAY too much of a presense about her and that whole rule about fish and visitors definitely started to apply with her after day 1.

Vallerie and her neurologist had been working on an experiment together in which she was supposed to try to trigger one of her seizures in order to find the underlying cause and hopefully a cure. You see the only thing that's stopping her from YOLOing are her crippling seizure's otherwise she'd probably be sky diving rocky mountain climbing and all that wild stuff every single day instead of just once a month.

The fact that she was trying to trigger a seizure meant that she could get as baked as she wanted. According to Doctors orders apparently. Also according to Doctors orders we were supposed to go to strip clubs, concerts, raves go to lazer shows and play endless games of lazer tag. Also during all of this she was supposed to be off her medications It didn't worked none of it worked. and it just ended up in a very tearful night of events. It's very odd that she didn't have a seizure, but I guess the human brain is just a whole lot more complicated then a lot of us think it is. That would however be more Brooke's area of expertice then mine. Vallarie broke down sobbing about her innability to have a seizure, which actually did make sense given the situation, it must have been god damn frustrating and then Bernadette broke down because Vallarie was putting her life in danger and was killing herself. Bernadette is a real human hose pipe when it come's to her twin sister. Just mention the name Vallarie and there go the water works. I suppose as for family they are really all each other have. They live with their maternal grandma who is somewhere in her 90's but still alive, well and kicking, which is more then I can say I have going for me, both my sets of grandparents are dead. Bernadette is not so fortunate in terms of parents however in her own words "Hell if I know?" It may sound bitchy of her and like she really doesn't care. But I suppose if she doesn't know, she doesn't know. It really can't be helped. I'm sure deep down she really does want to know about her parents, but she loves putting on the tough girl facade. Vallarie knows just as much about their parents as Bernadette which is also absolutely nothing.

Luckily Bernadette works in the same building I do teaching a class in Women's studies. Bernadette and I met in undergrad college Freshman year at the University of Miami, that is my second Freshman year I gave the whole college thing a try when I was 18 but it didn't work out and I was stuck fixing roofs which lead to stripping. But once I was in College my life really started turning around and Bernadette was a huge part of it. There were three things that instantly struck me about her.

1\. Bernadette was one of my favorite songs by the African American 60's Band the Four Tops

2\. There was just something super sexy about that birth mark (Mole/pimple/wart) on her forehead it kind of made her look exotic like maybe she had a little bit of Indian in her, even though her features were clearly Aryan.

3\. She strikingly resembled the most current rendition of Wonder Woman.

what's not to love? So I very awkwardly asked her out on a date one day. "Doyoulikefood?" I had asked. "Huh?" She asked. "I Said do you like food?" I said again. "Do I like food?" She asked. "Yeah food's good" I cleared my throat. "Do you like food with me?" I had asked. "Do I like food with you?" She asked her eyes glistening with amusement. Damit. Eventually she seemed like she got it, "I did not go to college to date" She had said "I went to college to get a degree" "Oh okay" I had said and that was that. From that day forward we didn't really say much to each other but I watched her, I know that sounds creepy as fuck well maybe it is a bit. And every day I wanted her even more, however the more I wanted her the more I realized I couldn't have her. She played hard to get. Not just hard to get. Impossible to get. She had no time for boys, all she cared about was the books. So It was a huge surprise that day, maybe at the very end of the first semester when we just happened to run into each other after class. "I do like to eat food" She had said. I blushed furiously. Only a beautiful girl like her could turn an such an awkward thing to say like that into something classy. "What?" I had asked. "I have some free time on my hands" She said "Why don't we go to Soho Sushi tonight" She suggested. "As a date?" I asked. "Don't push it" She said. "6:00. You be there"

From that day forward things just clicked with us. We have been living together for roughly 7 years now. Not that things haven't been rocky because things sure have been. As I have said there have been break ups, we are so off and on it's just crazy. Luckily we are together now because I really feel like I need her. She is at a meeting right now, which is really unfortunate because I really need to talk to her now and I know all too well that calling her during the middle of a meeting is absolutely not an option right now. Not that she'd answer, It being the first day of school and everything, I'm sure their is a lot to say at the meeting. I helplessly slump my back against the wall and slowly slide down to the floor letting tears spill down my cheeks, before I know what's happening I am sobbing like an idiot. It totally slips my mind when Bernadette get's out from her meeting and stands directly in front of me. She just has a very obvious presence about her. I can always tell when she's there without even having to look up.

"Adam are you okay?" She asks. I wipe my tears. "Sweetie what happened? Did you have a bad first day oh man that sucks" I shake my head.

"Sweetie what's wrong?" She asks. I take her by the hand and lead her outside, I have a feeling this is way too emotional of a situation for both of us. "Adam?" She asks. "What is it?"

"It's Brooke" I finally say as I lean against a tree and wipe my eyes. "Oh my god" Bernadette says, "What about her is she okay?" "No" I say, "No she's not, she's very sick and I." My mouth starts moving but I can't get any words out, "I said she could stay with us, I know we just had your sister stay with us during her freak out experiment and I know it seems like we just cleaned out the house for our last guest" "Adam" Bernadette says placing her hand on my shoulder. "Hey chill." I take a deep breath, "What's wrong with Brooke?" She asks me. "She has Elher Danlo's Syndrome" "Oh my god what's that?" Bernedette asks in a hushed voice. "I don't really know much about it, I have an Aunt who has it but she never talks about it, trying to talk about it with her is like saying Voldemort." I can't believe I am making such an out dated reference "Huh?" Bernadette asks, "Harry Potter Reference" I say. Bernadette rolls her eyes, "Never read it. Never want to" She says." "Okay" I say, "My point is I don't know much about it" "Well you know" Bernadette says, "If it's something really serious I'm happy to have her stay on our couch for however long she needs to and it's more then a week then that's fine, we have a guest room and can set a table for three" "That's the other thing" I say. "I invited Mike as well" "Oh" Bernadette says she doesn't sound super enthusiastic. "Does he have to stay" "Look they're kind of a thing now, they're Brike now?"

"Brike?" She asks sounding all confused, "That sounds so stupid" "Why do you have to be like this?" I ask, "I wasn't like this when you let YOUR family stay" Bernadette folds her arms across her chest. "Mike is not your family now is he?" She says. "Why are you so prejudice against Mike?" I ask, "Is it because he is a person with issues is that it?" That is Bernadette's coined term for stripper. "Because you know what your dating someone who used to be a person with issues"

"Yeah but your different now" She says, "Now you're a person with an education and a real job" She says, "Yeah" I Say but do you have any idea how long it took me to get their?" "A lot of places wouldn't take me because of my stripper background and on a lot of applications I had to lie and omit stuff and that didn't feel so good." It's true that it took me long and hard to get where I am today the whole reason why I ended up getting the job at the Alternative school was because Bernadette knew some people on the school board and they all worked really hard to pull some strings. I love Bernadette to death for that. I'm pretty sure Brooke pulled some strings for me there too. I totally more then owe her for everything. I realize that I have got to stop thinking of our relationship in terms of I owe her. She's my sister. I should be taking care of her and letting her stay with me based on unconditional love not because I feel obligated, but now it's hard when Bernadette won't agree to play a full part in all of it. "What about your sister?" I ask. "What about her?" She asks, "She's a person with issues" It is true Vallarie is most definitely a stripper. "That's different," She says, "Different how?" I ask "She is a person with issues, she has Epilepsy, she's not capable of having a regular job. and I can forgive you because you were just a kid, you didn't have an education yet. But Mike? What's Mike's excuse exactly. I mean Mike is a completely capable human being he's 40 years old for god's sake. I'm sorry." She says. "But it's okay with your sister Vallarie because she has Epilepsy?" I ask because I am really not understanding this arbitrary statement of hers. "I mean people take advantage of her and you really think that's okay?" "Of course that's not okay. It's sick and you know who take advantage of her are people like Mike, people who run the buisness, I'm sorry I don't see why it's necessary for him to stay with us. "Because" I say firmly, "They've been together for almost as long as we have and he obviously really cares about her and he obviously really want's to be with her when she's sick." Bernadette scowls hard. "All right" She finally says, "So when did you say they would start moving in?" "Tomorrow at 12" "Damnit" She says, "I'm sorry Adam. It's just we really don't have a lot of time." "We can make time" I say, "Bernadette stares at her watch. "5:00" She says, "We'll order Chinese takeout" I suggest. "Perfect" Bernadette says.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Bernadette:

I don't feel like talking. God damnit do I ever not feel like talking right now. What even is there to say I feel like Adam has down right tricked me into this deal of his like one of them dirty sales men selling cars or like someone making one of those Faustian deals from the old german legend Faust. I realize I am being melodramatic having Mike Lane stay with us isn't exactly the same thing as giving your life up to the devil, but it was quite sneeky and kind of mallicious of Adam. I had agreed with open arms to have Brooke stay as long as she needed to. Then after all that, Adam had to spring it on me that Mike was also part of the deal. If I recall the last time I saw Brooke, she and Mike were taking a break, I was pretty sure she was over him, but apparently not anymore apparently they are back together and really love each other and are Brike.

I will never get used to how hideous that word sounds to me. Not that Adette sounds much better. Sounds like that loser princess from the Swan Princess, who I sure as hell don't like to associate myself with, she was such a loser and a bitch and such a wanna be Disney Princess.

Oh well I guess there's really not much you can do with a name like Bernadette. I'll just come out and say it. Bernadette is yucky, no matter what you do with the name it will always be yucky. Unfortunately no nickname could possibly fix the Bernadette situation. Bernie or Bern sound just like nails on a chalk board for a girl, always makes me think of a big fat drooling St. Bernard or Bernise Mt. Dog and 99.9% it is that of the male gender that it makes me think of. But there is actually a nickname I hate even more then Bern or Bernie believe it or not and that is Detty. Hideous right? Adam called me that on our first date after maybe a few too many drinks. I shot him a look. And if looks could kill he'd be lying dead on the floor. No Bernadette is yucky. But compared to the alternatives it's fine thank you very much. My sister Vallarie got stuck with the good name. Not that that's that great of a name either but at least it's not yucky and at least she has nick names that aren't totally gag worthy Val Vallie (Works because she's a total Valley girl)

My Grandma says my parents named my sister Vallarie and I after oldies before they died, or got swept to sea, or got abducted by aliens or just disappeared into molecular atoms or somehow escaped to a different dimension or whatever. I might sound like a completely insensitive bitch for not missing my parents or for joking about their mysterious disappearance, but to my defense. It's kind of hard to miss the parents that were never there? Who knows maybe we never had them, maybe we just sprouted from the ground one day. Besides talking about how my parents named us after oldies Grandma hardly ever talks about my parents, she doesn't keep pictures of them. Hell I'm not even sure who's parent she is.

Maybe the case is we've never actually had parents at all, maybe some single woman just really wanted twins so got invetero treatments, not that I really want to think about that because ewe. But you never know with this day and age She's just Grandma Ruth. She is probably the hippest granny I've ever met. She likes to pretend that she is in our generation which is kind of creepy, she is up to date with all of today's technology, maybe even more up to date then some people in this generation and like Vallarie she is also into Yolo. She is 92 but she looks like she could be about in her 50's she's had so many plastic surgeries. She dyes her hair the same blonde as Vallarie and goes around telling people she is our mother.

She is so hot (Gross) that she could have any guy she wants yet she is a radical feminist and insists that having a boyfriend just ties you up. I used to be just like that until I met Adam. Not Vallarie, she's had a boyfriend since 7th grade, it is just impossible to keep track. I'm pretty sure her current boyfriend is named Dallas though, he is another one of them people with problems who has connections to Adam (Small world aint it) Grandma and Vallarie are both super into the whole friends thing. Me not so much. I never had friends and I was fine with that. While Vallarie spent weekends going to the mall or going to the movies, I stayed at home in my room typing away disturbing stuff at my computer. My Grandma and Vallarie both insisted I get more sunlight and said someday I'll be sorry. I guess maybe someday, right now I don't really regret anything but whatever.

"You know" Adam says, "You're acting like they're moving in with us. You know they're not don't you? You do know this is only temporary" "That's what you say now" I say, "But a weeks going to turn into a two weeks, and two weeks is going to turn into three weeks and so on and so forth" "Look could you please not be like this. Please do this for me. Please?" "Okay" I say grudgingly. I hate to speak ill of the ill (So to speak) but although I have met Adam's sister many of time's Brooke is a great big question mark to me. She has never been someone I have been able to get a read on. I have dated Adam for seven years and she's been present for holidays and we have gone of dates but I still was never able to get a read on what her personality is or if she even has a personality at all. She is Adam's sister and I've had plenty of chances to get to know her so I feel like I should know her better, but It feels like I am about to house a complete stranger for a week or longer then a week I'm almost sure.

"All right, I guess I'll reset up the guest room" It never occured to me that we were going to have to make up the guest bed again. For two people none the less. One I can't stand and one I don't know the first thing about. Sometimes I really wish I was a nicer person. I know it sounds passive and like I'm not doing much to try to work on my bitchiness, but sometimes I just would love ask look at myself in a full view mirror and say "what the fuck is your problem" Why am I being such a bitch to Adam if anyone should know about having a sick sister it's me, so why the hell can't I be more sympathetic to Adam. Vallerie has been Epileptic since we were 12 years old and I remember I had gone through a lot of grief. I would spend hours on end in my room and I cried a great deal. I'm sure Vallerie did too but she didn't show, she just kind of got more annoying with the whole YOLO thing. Adam had always been so understanding. There was no argument about having Vallerie crash with us. Adam's just too nice of a guy, It's amazing how long we've stayed together. It suddenly occurs to me that I am crying. Thinking about Vallerie just always does that to me it always get's me teary, I think a part of me has never really stopped grieving about it. but it's not just that. I feel like Adam is too good for me, and it is just that time of month if you know what I mean. But who am I to be grieving about Vallerie who has had Epilepsy since she is 12,

when Adam is the one who should be grieving. Brooke was just diagnosed with Elher's Danlo's Syndrome. How could I be so selfish. How dare I make this about me? Once I am done with the guest room I rush out into the kitchen where Adam is cleaning up. "Here" I say tearfully let me help with that. I say grabbing the sponge. "Detty?" He asks. "Are you okay?" I manage to laugh through my tears. I am such a mess right now. "You know how much I hate to be called Detty" I say and burst into unconsollible tears. "I'm sorry Adam. I'm sorry I was such a hormonal bitch. I would be happy to let your sister and even Mike stay for as long as they like"

"It's all right" Adam says stroking my back. "We'll give it a week" "Adam" I say tearfully "They can stay as long as you need them too.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 Mike:**

There is a really long wait. I feel like I have been in the waiting room for about an eternity. I stare down at my watch it appears reads 11:01 AM, 11:01 seriously? Literally the last time I checked my watch it read 11:00, has really only a minute gone by. Well I know technically a whole night has gone by, because I had spent the first half sobbing unconsollibly for literally hours on end I'm really not sure because I really wasn't really keeping track but I'm sure it was more then a couple of hours, the rest of the night was spent in a sleepless zombie like stuper. I did get maybe a couple hours of sleep but they were dreamless. A doctor approaches me in what seems like hours but is probably just seconds. See what lack of sleep does to you? "Are you Mike?" A Doctor asks me. "I am" I say, I'm surprised he doesn't recognize me,

most people imediatly know who I am, I'm kind of well known in the city of Tampa for the whole Magic Mike thing and all but I suppose he just doesn't recognize me out of context, sadly a lot of people don't "I'm Paul McCarthy, your girlfriend Brooke and I we go way back" What are the chances of that? Brooke's doctor is the man she used to date. That really doesn't help things. Not in the slightest. He hands me a box of tissues. "What I am about to tell you is going to be pretty emotional" I am all cried out, I feel like I have no tears left to cry. I feel like I have cried all my tears out dry in this waiting room. "Is she okay?" I ask,

"I'm afraid not. "First things first, her tonsils have grown back?" "WHAT?" I shriek. Paul lowers his hand signaling for me to lower my voice. "I understand that you are upset and shocked, but it is hospital policies that you keep your voice down, you understand. I'm sorry. I guess I was wrong about the whole tears running dry thing because I definintly am at it again. Tears of frustration that is "How could they have grown back? She just had a tonsilectomy. What the actual fuck man?" "She has a condition" He tells me. "I printed some stuff out about it for you why don't you read it."

He hands me a couple of pages he has stapled together at the top of the page is the name of the disease. Ehler Danlo's Syndrome. I have never heard of this disease in my life. But now I realize that I just can't look away from it, I ready page through page like a man possessed. There are 7 different kinds of the disease but the kind Brooke has is Type 1 and 2 Classical the type that effects the most people It can effect everything from the musculoskeletal system to the pulmonary system, the the cardiovascular system to the nervous system. I scroll down and find that it is a hereditary defect which get's me worried about Adam, maybe he should test for it before it's too late. I also find that it is something that is present at birth, so this whole time I've known her she's been sick, but the scary thing is she didn't know until now.

Apparently most people don't find out until later life, but their are some tell tale signs that appear in childhood such as double jointedness, flexible skin and tall stature and frequent colds and ear infections. Brooke is freakishly tall, about 5'10 but it has never really been something I thought about, lot's of people are tall. Hell I'm tall actually I'm quite a bit taller then she is and theirs nothing wrong with me, hell Bernadette is also quite a bit taller then Brooke as well and stands at about 5'15 and theirs nothing wrong with her either except that shes a a conecending bitch Also I didn't really think much of the fact that she got a lot of colds, I had thought she just had allergies. although it was unusual that she happened to have Double Pneumonia, Mono and tonsilitis all at the same time. I find out that the neurological problem's are actually a whole seperate other condition of it's own.

Something called Arnold Chiari Malformation apparently that was the culprit for the reaccuring tonsil growth. That may also explain her unusually sensitive gag reflex. Poor Brooke throws up at the drop of a hat these days and has been since she was hospitalized. It doesn't take much at all her gag sometimes even the slightest coughing fit can cause her to vomit and when I say sometimes I mean 99.9 percent of the time, I'm really not sure she did make a full recovery from Pneumonia, she had double Pneumonia before but I'm pretty sure now she instead of being all the way better she just has single Pneumonia. Other times she just gags for no reason whatsoever. For that reason she refuses to eat anything other then angel hair pasta with melted butter. She is very specific about what kind of pasta it is, if it is anything any thicker she won't touch it. Another thing she enjoys these days are plain vanilla blizzards from Dairy Queen, any other kind will either make her gag or just irritate her throat. So basically it's just already soft served ice cream put into the blender it is not something that you can even order on the menu, but they make it for her like she is a little princess. She will also drink Shirly Temples once in a while, but only if they are luke warm and not super bubbly.

I just got so sick of her princess diet the other night and that was why I ordered the chinese food I know it is not my fault but I suddenly feel all kinds of guilty for ordering Chinese food. I know I am being an idiot. But give me a fucking break, I haven't gotten a wink of sleep, well maybe a little bit of sleep but clearly not enough sleep for me to be thinking rationally. On top of all that I just find out that Brooke has a really complicated disease and if it weren't complicated enough as it already was, if there weren't enough symptoms already it just had to go and get even more complicated, it is not that she has two completely separate diseases or anything like that, it is just that, that those two complications are always, always comorbid with each other, but Chiari Malformation can co exist by itself or with other disorders like Marfan Syndrome. Suddenly I feel my heart pound rapidly against my chest and myself become short of breath. I try to take a deep breath but I just can not for the life of me get enough air.

"Are you all right Mike?" Paul asks. My face crumples and I disolve into tears. Uncontrollable tears. My whole body is shaking uncontrollably.

"I I need to see her" I stammer, "Has she had her surgery yet. I need to be with her" I get up and start walking aimlessly down the hall. "She hasn't had her surgery yet" He says,

"You can see her" "thanks" I say quickly,

"Where is she?" "Right this way" Paul says leading me down the hall and then sharply to the right. She is hooked up to an IV as I rush in.

"Are you all right?" I cry throwing my arms around her. "Can I have my phone?" She asks slurring her words a tiny bit but not too much, "Looks like the morphine's starting to kick in" Brooke's nurse says to me. "You could go ahead and make your phone call before the surgery if you'd like" She says, I think that. "Could I have my phone?" She asks again, this time slurring a little bit more. "Yeah of course" I say. "Adam hi" She says, she then starts crying and slurring her words like crazy. The Morphine kicks in just like that. I gently take the cell phone from her hand and kiss her gently on the top of the head. I spend another painful night in the waiting room constantly wondering if once their done with her toniselectomy she's going to need a new one soon after, but how soon? Her tonisils could grow in within a matter of years to a matter of seconds after they were removed to actually during the surgery. Poor Brooke. I think to myself and shutter. It is a good thing, a very good thing, a damn god very good thing that they have given her so much Morphine and Anethsisia, otherwise she'd be gagging/vomiting up a storm, plus I'm sure theirs a rule that you're suppose to put a patient under during that kind of surgery so there's also that issue too.

So now we are packing up our stuff to drive over to Adam and Bernadette's house. Apparently Brooke had arranged that with Adam during her stay in the recovery room. It kind of sucks that we don't just get to go home, I would love to spend the night in my own bed again instead of an icky guest bed, but on the bright side Brooke does not need another tonsilectomy, I guess maybe the first time was just a fluke, the nurse wheels her out, she still looks a little drugged. "So her tonsils didn't grow back?" I sound like such a weirdo freak asking such weirdo questions. "They did" The nurse answers me, during the surgery. It's weird that such a random thing that popped into my head could actually be right.

"She basically had two tonsilectomies going at once"

"Oh my god Are you all right Brooke?" I ask. She puts her hand to her throat.

"Pain" She moans. "We put her on a high dose of Methadone which is a pretty dangerous narcotic and given her history of narcotic abuse we're going to ask you to be responsible for her drugs, she can only take them if you give them to her, that sounds like just a bit too much to ask and I have never noticed Brooke having a narcotics problem, what could he be referring to, I haven't noticed her having any kind of drug habits in fact. "What are you talking about?" I find myself asking. "Didn't you know, she had an addiction to Morphine Pills during her Freshman year in College after she got a complete knee replacement." I didn't even know about her complete knee surgery. How could I have been with this person off and on again for so long and know so little about her? "I Didn't know her Freshman year of College" I say. "Well we need to be on the safe side" He hands me the perscription which reads Mike Lane to give to Brooke Kennedy. That really kind of sucks. It's as if I'm giving pills to a dog or an old person or a little kid or I suppose someone with a really bad drug problem which I suppose is the case. /span/p

Adam and Bernedette are waiting at the house when we arrive. To be completely fair we did get to spend a little time at home, packing our stuff that is. "Hey" Bernadette says, "Did you guys have any trouble finding the place?" "No not at all" I say. Bernadette just rolls her eyes. It is clear that she doesn't like me. According to her I am a person with issues. Scratch that, I am not just a person with issues I am the creator/enabler of all other people with issues. She does however give full attention to Brooke. It always seemed to me like she has a little bit of a girl crush on Brooke, which really must be awkward for Adam hell it's going to be awkward for all of us, hell this whole thing is going to just be awkward as shit but I guess it's only going to be a week or so. "How are you feeling?" She asks Brooke "Tired I guess, and my throat hurts"

"She did just have three tonsilectomies" I say once again Bernadette steamrolls over me and gives all the attention to Brooke. "Holy shit. You all right?" She asks. Brooke shakes her head.

"No I bet not" Bernadette says, "Would you like a popsicle?" She asks this question with a bit too much enthusiasm and in that annoying babying voice which is really annoying because she shouldn't forget that just because she towers over Brooke doesn't mean she's older. Because Adam started College when he was 21 she has always been two years younger "Oh yes" Says Adam, "We love Popsicles in this house"

"Yes we do" Bernadette agrees. We head into their kitchen. They really weren't exhaggerating. There whole fridge is filled with frozen treats and other stuff of course like TV dinners and other stuff. "Here you are Brooke" She pulls out an amazing looking see through star shaped popsicle filled with edible glitter it is so sparkly and shiny it is over whelming. It is very remminicent of one of those wonder wands from the 1980's which have made a great comeback and are often times something we use in our stripper shows. I guess now they have become so popular that they have been made into popsicle form. "C'can I have one too" I ask a bit hypnotically. Bernadette sighs heavily as if it is so much trouble. "Here" She says catch. She then throws me an orange Mr Freeze Pop. Just plain orange. She is acting like such a preschooler.

"Bernadette" Adam says warningly, "You promised remember" "It was the only one left" She says, and shrugs it off. They have a million other better popsicle's in their freezer and what about that I got the worst of the worst. I remember really hating Mr. Freeze pops when I was a kid because they always lost their flavor right away. In the end you were just sucking on an icicle. A slushy Icicle that got frozen over. So basically a snow cone. Something I also hate and I don't think anyone actually likes. For some reason Orange was always the most offensive of the flavors, I think it might have been the quickest to lose it's flavor Why would they even have Mr Freeze Pops when they have all those other awesome futuristic popsicles from this day and age. I guess Mr Freeze pops just became popular again because they are such an apparently awesome throw back to the 90's. Or maybe Bernadette just bought one for that prank. Maybe she planned it all along because maybe she thinks were still in 2nd grade. She's always seemed Borderline well Borderline to me. When she tosses it to me (More like tossing it at me then anything) She misses and it falls to the ground.

"Oops" She says. "My bad" "Bernadette" Adam says again. "You can pick that up" She says to me, "You're not the one who's helpless" She's still not even trying. As a matter a fact I think she may be trying even less then she was a couple of seconds ago. "What are we in 2nd grade?" I ask. Bernadette folds her arms across her chest and gives off that air of coolness. Her look screams "Your cooler then me" Obviously. "I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about" She says blowing her bangs away from her face in that ultra cooler than me manner. "This acting like you're better then me" I say. "Like your cooler then me" I also can't stand the way she implied that Brooke is helpless, although it is kind of true that Brooke has kind of been enjoying playing the roll of helpless these days and it probably doesn't offend her at all so maybe part of the reason why I am so offended by her statement is because it is just so true and all that stuff about the truth hurting and stuff.

Brooke saves Bernadette and I from continuing our awkward conversation by having a massive coughing fit.

"Brooke you okay?" Adam asks pounding her on the back. Tears stream down her cheeks. "The sparkles hurt my throat" She cries. "The glitter?" Bernadette asks. "I'm sorry" She says. "Yeah you should be" I suddenly find myself snapping. "How dare it never occur to you that the sparkles might hurt her throat?" Bernadette raises an eyebrow at me as if I had just said something really stupid even though she was quite forgiving when Brooke had said it. "I'm tired" Brooke says, "Can I take a nap" "Of Course" Bernadette says with her over friendly attitude of course.

"Adam will you show her the guest room" "Yeah sure?" He says, "Are two going to be okay alone together?" He asks. "We Can handle it" Bernadette says, "After all we are adults" "Are we really?" I ask. "Well at least one of us is" Bernadette says. "Don't kill each other" Adam says as he takes Brooke by the arm and leads her down the hall.

Now Bernadette and I are as a matter a fact the only two in the room. We are on opposite ends of the kitchen with our arms crossed I am standing and Bernadette is sitting on the counter. I know that any minute now one of us is going to be on the attack. It is as if we are both trying to see who is going to attack who first. It is me I am the first to speak and it is all because I can no longer stand looking at that smug look on her face

"What the fuck is your problem?" I snap, "Why are you like this? Why are you such a god damn bitch?" "You want to know why I'm a bitch?" She asks sliding down from the counter. I am at a bit of an advantage that I am a bit taller then her but I am really not that much taller then her. "You know my sister Vallarie?" She asks. "Your Identical twin?" I say. "Yeah I know her, She's dating my kid brother" Although a lot of people think it is just a stage age that Dallas and I brothers, the truth is we are stage brother and Biological brothers half brother's that is, we have the same mother but different fathers I think or maybe the other way around. We grew up under the same roof with the same parents etc. "The one." She spits out. "And I don't like your brother either, in fact I hate him." My big brotherly instincts right away come into full swing as she insults Dallas. But I hold my tongue I do not want things to get ugly with Bernadette at least not yet I know they are already heating up to. "Anyway Vallarie has suffered from Epilepsy since she was 12 years old"

She says, I really don't understand what Bernadette is getting at. "So what?" I ask, "What's that got to do with me?" She moves in closer. She is really quite the maniac. "It's got everything to do with you" She says in a hushed voice.

"People take advantage of her and you're one of them. In fact your the one who makes it happen. Your the reason Vallarie who already has Epilepsy probably has like 60 different STD's now. So that's my problem so I'm sorry I can't be more welcoming." "Yeah?" I ask, "Then why did you agree to let me stay? Didn't you realize how awkward it was going to be for everyone? In case you didn't realize this. I don't like it anymore then you do." Bernadette rolls her eyes and shrugs. "You're just putting everyone in an awkward situation the way your doing all of this" "Doing all of what?" She asks. "This whole playing favorites thing. You make it way to obvious that you hate me but you act like you have the biggest girl crush ever on Brooke, do you know how Awkward that is for Adam? And for me? And for Brooke? Bernadette holds out her hand.

"Hold on a second did you say girl crush?" "Yeah" I Say, "I'm pretty sure that's what I said, "No I don't have a crush on her I'm straight god damnit" "I said girl crush" I says, "Yeah girl crush as in a crush on a girl as in Lesbian" "Not really" I say,

"It's actually something totally different it just means having feelings of admiration and adoration for a girl in a nonsexual way that's it." Bernadette rolls her eyes and raises her eyebrow. "Well no" She says, "I'm sorry if you read it way the fuck wrong, their's no girl crush or regular crush their's no crush at all I'm sorry if you read me wanting to get to know Brooke better as having a girl crush on her because I really feel like I don't know her. You can't have a girl crush on someone you know so little about god damnit" "Actually that's kind of the way crushes work" I protest. "Whatever" She says again, that is just starting to be her favorite multi purpose word these days. "And what do you mean you feel like you don't know her of course you know her, you've known her for as long as you've known Adam" "Yeah I know technically I know her, but she's one of those people who I can never get a read on" I can totally see where she's coming from because I too have noticed that with Brooke, Bernadette fortunately does not have that problem I can read her inside and out.

"I mean no offense or anything but what even is her personality?" Truthfully no one's ever asked me that question before, but I somehow don't think it's a question I am going to be able to answer, because really I don't know how to describe her personality either, If someone was to ask me to describe my personality I'd have no problem with that, I'm tall and Mike. I guess I would have a bit of a problem with it after all. Hell I'm sure Bernadette wouldn't be able to describe her personality, it is just a situation that puts people in an awkward position. And the way Bernadette keeps going with this? How dare she attack someone who's already down? "I mean I don't want to sound like a total bitch or anything like that but uh, what is she like? I'm still not getting it" Great just like that now she is attacking Brooke and on top of that does her voice have to be so damn loud "Could you be less quiet?" I hiss, "She's in the other room you know" I'm not sure what other room, there are many other room's in this house, "the other room" is by no means very specific, but their house is only one story so I'm sure she is down the hall some where. "Look if you're going to insult us maybe we should just leave" "No" She says hastily. She then clears her throat. "No. It's really important to Adam that you two stay, obviously both of you are very important to him, and also I'm really sorry. I can be a total bitch sometime's and it's that time of month so when I have my period I'm even worse, but I'll try to be nicer."

"Look Mike" She says "You don't have to do this for me. But could you please do it for Adam, he can't do this alone" I look down at the floor. Bernadette lets out a heavy sigh. "I'll tell you what why don't we make this apology official, why don't you let Adam and I take you out for dinner, we have some money left in the bank from previous teaching gigs, "Why don't we take you to Chico Callie Mimi" "I don't know I don't really think Brooke would be up for going to a restaraunt" I say, I do not tell Bernadette that Brooke will only eat angel hair pasta with butter because even though she apologized I still don't trust her not to be a judgemental bitch about the whole thing. "We could order in" Bernadette says, "Our treat" "Yeah thanks" That should be good.

"So would you like anything to drink?" Bernadette asks. After a couple long hours of silence. I wonder what is taking Adam "A beer?" I ask, "Sure" She says shrugging. "It's 6:00 some time in the world" She goes to the fridge and pulls out a 2 cans of cheap Shaws brand beer "5:00" I say after another silence. "Huh?" She asks, I can't believe how awkward I am around Bernadette I'm Magic Mike for god's sake I'm not awkward around anyone but now suddenly I'm acting like I'm Adam or someone. As Joanna my old girl friend has once said I'm usually a real chatty Cathy, "The uh expression is it's 5:00 sometime in the world" "mmm" Bernadette says sipping her beer. I wish Adam would get done with whatever he's doing and joining us. It's funny how much the Kid who hardly said a peep has come out of the shell. Adam used to need me to fill the awkward silence not the other way around. Now 7 years later Adam is an expert at filling awkward silences, but unfortunately he has his hands full which is to be expected. After a while I try again. "You were right you know" I say.

"Yeah?" Bernadette says taking another sip of her beer not even bothering to ask what it is that she was right about. This is going to be a lot harder then I thought. "Brooke is hard to get a read on" I expect that to be a good conversation grabber but it's not. I thought she would be all over that. Instead she just gives me a single "Yeah" And continues sipping her beer. Why on earth is she snubbing me? She was the one who was mean to me. Not the other way around. I guess she still hates me but I thought we were passed that. "I've been dating her for 8 years now about as long as you and Adam." "7" Bernadette says sipping her beer again. I might as well be having a conversation with the wall. "I Didn't even know about her narcotics addiction or her fake knee or her seizures she didn't tell me anything that happened during her Freshman year. Bernadette takes another sip of beer and then sits in silence for a moment she appears to be deep in thought. "Well you know why should it matter?" She asks. "It was all in the past right? God I hate to sound like that old Lion King movie and all that but what can I say?" She sounds like she is getting at something now.

"What do you mean?" I ask. She shrugs and makes a perfect toss with her beer can into the waste basket. "I Don't know nothing" She says, "Just forget it" "No what?" I ask because I feel like we are finally getting somewhere. "I don't know just Adam" She says and shrugs. "It's nothing." "He didn't tell you he was a stripper?" I ask. "Not right away no" She says chewing at her fingernail. "Were you pretty pissed?" I ask because I know all about her hatred for strippers. "Yeah" She says. "Did you hate him?" "At first" She says, "We broke up over it, but then I let it go because you know it's in the past and so is that thing with Brooke maybe she doesn't want to talk about it because it's embarassing I don't know" "Well apparently because of that past aditction, she has to be really careful with her painkillers she's not supposed to take them herself she's only supposed to take the god damn pills if I give them to her. I pull out the bottle. "See" I say, "It says, For Mike Lane to give to Brooke Kennedy" "How long ago was her addiction again? Bernadette asks. "Like 10 years ago, she was adicted to Morphine" "Wow that's not good" Bernadette says, "You don't want her to get addicted again do you? And I heard Methedone's even worse then Morphine in terms of addiction"

"I think she'll be fine, she had an addiction but it was in the past remember 10 years ago?" "Eh" Bernadette says shrugging her shoulders. I can already tell that talking to her is going to be a dizzying roundabout vortex first she attacks me then she ignores me, then she says one thing then another thing. Screw that. "Are there any more beers in the fridge?" I ask. She shakes her head. "Would you like a coke zero?" "Sure" I say. We sip our cokes in silence this time not even trying to have a conversation. Been there done that. Didn't work. Just then Adam returns from the kitchen.

"How's she doing?" Bernadette asks. "She's finally asleep now" He says sounding both relieved and exasperated. "God I really don't know if I'm up for the task" He says, "First she was uncomfortable with the sheets, they were too itchy, so I had to find another blanket, but that one was too soft for her, It sure is a hell of a good thing that we have a lot of blankets." Sweat pours down his face the poor kid. Once I finally did get her the right blanket she complained that her pillow was too fat so I had to go through the same thing we did with the blankets, then once I finally had the right pillow and the right blanket she was too hot, then she was too cold, then she was too hot again.

I really could have lost it with her, but she's just so sick and helpless" Once she was comfortable enough she wanted to watch the TV, but she couldn't find anything that was interesting. So I showed her my movie connection, she watched each movie for at least 5 minutes before deciding it was totally boring." "Oh Adam sweetie" She says, "I'm so sorry" "So then she asked me to read to her. So I read a couple of the kids essays" She didn't seem to care much about that either. So then I read her the names on the seating charts I thought she would get a crack out of some of the names of the kids in my class because a lot of them have pretty funny names, she didn't. At one point I think she had a seizure?"

"She did?" Bernadette asks, "Well sweetie why didn't you tell me, I could have helped you, he'llo I've known how to work and deal with seizures since you know Vallarie was 12. I am so sick of hearing about Vallarie, sick of being here as a matter a fact. It's obvious that Adam is sick of us being here to, its only been at least 2 and a half hours and already fish and visitors are starting to apply It would just make it a whole lot easier on all of us if we left. We are not exactly stuck I mean we could leave at any time. We have a car, we don't live too far down the road we didn't pack too much stuff. "Well no I don't think you could have" Adam says placing his hand on Bernadette's shoulder. "It wasn't that kind of seizure. It wasn't that kind of seizure at all" "Then what kind was it?" Bernadette asks. "Like Petite Mal because that can happen to Vallarie but it's very rare like just sometimes she stares off into space and loses track of where she is but she quickly returns"

"No it wasn't really like that" Adam says, "It was more Like Cataplexy, like I handed her a cup of water and she just froze. and she didn't come back right away either." "Oh my god what did you do?" Bernadette asked.

"I have to say that I totally feel like I am only a guest in this whole situation. It is the Adam Bernadette and Brooke show, guest starring Mike. I wrack my brain to try to remember if their was anything on that printed page about cateplexy or seizures or catapletctic seizures and if their was what are you supposed to do for that. Adam answers my question right away. "There was nothing I could do" "Oh" Bernadette says sympathetically, "I'm sorry" "We just had to wait it out" "How long did it take" Bernadette asked her voice is shaky as if she are about to cry and what exactly is it that gives her the right to cry in this situation. Brooke is practically a stranger to her she said so herself, it would almost make sense if she did have a "Girl crush" but since there is no girl crush to speak of what's her business. Just Who does Bernadette think she is. I think the question that everybody's been asking. I really hope this only lasts for a week and no more, maybe something like three days will be better, but it already seems like this is going to be a three person job.

"I'm not sure how long it lasted"Adam says getting teary eyed which is understandable in his case. "But once she came out of it, she said it's happened to her before" "It has?" I ask because I hadn't seen it happen before. "She said it happened quite a bit during Freshman year. It sounded like she had the Freshman year from Hell, but what was I supposed to say I had an awesome Freshman year I wasn't going to just say that how cruel would that be?" "You did have an awesome Freshman year" Bernadette agrees, "Yeah that would have been mean your right" So I guess here we are again, Freshman year, the year that sucked for her but that she has kept a deep dark secret. Then she just cried for hours on end. "Was it really hours on end?" Bernadette asked, "It seemed to be"

"How did you finally get her to sleep?" I ask wondering if maybe he had gotten a hold of my Methadone pills. "I gave her a Belsomra" He says, "But then she was all whiney that they didn't start kicking in right away. So I read her some children's books. "Why do you have children's books" "It's just the 2nd through 5th grade readers collection. They belong my special ed class that meets Tuesday and Thursday mornings." Bernadette nods. "It was nice when she finally doze off"

Brooke finally comes out of the guest room looking just zonked. Obviously the pill hasn't started kicking in yet, because she looks like a complete zombie. "Where's the bathroom?" She slurs. "I have to pee" Her eyes appear droopy like she is sleepwalking

"To your right" Bernadette says. Brooke then takes a sharp turn to the left.

"Oh no sweetie to your other right" Bernadette says. Brooke just walks around aimlessly until she smacks right into the wall. Adam rushes over to her. "You all right?" He asks. Brooke doesn't say anything just stairs up at him in her zombie like stuper, is it happening again? Is she having another one of her seizures? "The bathroom's this way" He says taking her by the arm.

She does not go back to the guest room, I guess she is awake for the afternoon, I guess it is now pushing 3:00 almost. "Would you like something to drink?" Bernadette asks. Brooke shakes her head. "Should we all go out to the living Room?" Bernadette asks "I think we should all be a lot more comfortable out there shouldn't we all agree" I disagree. I think we are going to be uncomfortable no matter which room we are in.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Adam**

I knew this wasn't going to be easy, being the second born and not having any younger siblings after me I have never imagined that I'd ever be in this situation, I always kind of had the idea that my sister Brooke was invincible, that nothing could ever happen to her which I guess is kind of a funny thing to think but hell Brooke has always played it kind of safe if you ask me.

I grew up thinking that she was my perfect responsible older sister, although she was never by any means cool, she was on the soccer team, but at the same time she was on the marching band she never really did have many friends what she did have were aquaintences from both the soccer team and the marching band but she wasn't super close to any of them and was never popular by any means nor did she ever have a best friend.

But she was still someone I looked up to, she was aloof and pretty much invisible but she was always someone I could come to for advice and she is someone who saved my ass many times when I was drowning. I had never ever thought I'd be in a situation where I'd have to be the one to take care of her, but now I find out she is sick it is my turn to take responsibility and I feel like I am sinking. It is my chance to be the big brother, but even though she is sick that will never change the fact that she is older then me, she is still as bossy and ever and even though I am trying as hard as I can she keeps managing to make me feel inferior.

"Adam" She moans.

"What what's wrong" I ask "I don't like this blanket" She moans. Bernadette and I have set up a really nice bed for her and Mike the night before and I had thought we did a good job.

"Why what's wrong?" I ask again. "It's too itchy" She moans. This should be easy I have had practice with being assertive, I am a high school teacher for really challenging kids at an alternative school for god's sake, why should this be any different. Fact of the matter is, it's a lot different, I guess it's because I just wasn't meant to be a big brother because I don't know how to be an big brother, I was meant to be a little brother the second born the youngest. I have been programed to please and not to assert so that is exactly what I do. So why? I ask myself, why did I offer to take on this situation that I knew I couldn't handle. I guess it's just who I am. For example I was taking a huge risk taking a job as a stripper when I was 19 and stupid and an even bigger risk being a teacher without telling people about my past although a lot of people might think that by not telling people about my past may be taking the easy way out I suppose in a way it kind of is but it's also really hard going from day to day with this huge secret below my belt, it's kind of like sleeping with a bed of rocks or nails behind your pillow, it would be a lot easier if I could tell the truth but then I'd know their would be hell to pay

"All right, I'll see if I can find you something better" I say, heading towards the bed Brooke just sits up in bed looking unhappy and why shouldn't she? I wonder if Dad ever had to go through with this with our Aunt Beverly she too is the older sister and she too is incredibly bossy. The thing is both my dad and Aunt Beverly are very type A personalities they are both bossy but about different things, but no one is even close to as bossy as Aunt Beverly. She was always very bossy to us kids when we were growing up and staying at her house was a nightmare she had very strict rules about what we were aloud to watch on TV, when we were supposed to have dinner what we were supposed to eat for snack, when we were supposed to go to bed, when we were supposed to get up, what we were supposed to wear, when we were supposed to do our chores, how clean we were supposed to be, you get the point. Like I said our dad has also been very bossy but in a totally different way, that basically just means that he plays by a totally different rule book, I could see them totally clashing if he was supposed to be in the roll of care taker, but Aunt Beverly's condition is very mild.

"Adam?" Brooke moans. Again.

"What's wrong?" I find my self asking for like the third time.

"For God's sake Adam get this itchy thing off me before I break into hives" "Oh sorry" I say. As I grab the wool blanket off her.

"Ooh burr Adam" She moans. "Could you just use the top sheet for now?" I ask. She doesn't look too happy about that. "What's taking you?" I ask, honestly I'm doing the best I can, It's just why did Bernadette have to put the blankets up so high out of reach, I guess it's because she's so freakishly tall that's why. "Here you are" I say pulling down a down comforter.

"Thanks" She says woodenly. "That blanket's cold" She complains. I suppose it should be since it has been in the closet for so long and the guest room doesn't get any heat. "Just give it a while" I say it will warm up.

"Adam bur Adam, I want to be cosy" She is really testing my patience and I really want to yell, but one look at her lying their so helpless and exhausted I can't yell at her, even if she is being exasperating beyond belief saying exasperating things like she wants to be cosy if she's going to continue saying stupid shit I just might lose it. I grit my teeth.

"It's a down comforter" I say raising my voice a tiny bit. "It's supposed to be warm" Just like that seconds later. "Adam I'm too hot" She complains, "I'm going to die of heat stroke" It takes almost literally all the strength I have not to yell. Let me tell you something, I am usually an even tempered kind of guy when something ticks me off, I really really lose my temper. It's the whole reason why my football scholarship didn't work out. The whole reason why my first time at college didn't work out and why I even have a stripper background to speak of. I have to take many deep breaths to calm myself down.

Brooke angrily kicks off the down comforter, she can be as angry as she wants, but me I guess I have to be the one taking the high road in this situation. It's really not fair that both of us can't be angry in this situation, but what can I say I was the one who got myself into this mess, I had invited her to stay. I'll tell you I continue to go through hell, I go through pretty much every single blanket in our top shelf before I finally find one that is acceptable to her, that isn't too itchy or too hot or too cold or too soft or too hard or too gross or whatever. "So you're good now?" I ask. Brooke sulks and shakes her head. "Why what's wrong?" I ask again.

"My pillow's too fat" "You're pillow's too fat?" I ask I can't help finding that ridiculous, anyone would think she'd prefer the fatter pillow. "What's wrong with it?" I ask. "It's hurting my neck" She complains.

"Fine" I say through grit teeth, "I'll get you a better pillow" I let out a sigh of exasperation. "What's that now?" She asks. "Nothing" I say keeping my composure, "Nothing at all." I toss down all the pillows which is a much easier thing to do then with the blankets. Believe it or not, it turns out she is even pickier about pillows then she is about blankets, she goes through about 15 of the pillows before finding one she actually likes.

"All right" I say. "Have a nice rest" "Noooooo Adaaammm! Don't leave me Adam" She moans as I start to walk out the door. "Staaayyyy! Stay with me Adam. At least until I fall asleep?" I turn around and shut the door behind me. I have never heard her sound like such a vulnerable little girl before, it is both frightening and at the same time sort of refreshing. I also feel like if she doesn't let me go soon I am really going to go all kinds of crazy.

"All right" I say "Would you like to watch a movie?" "Sure" She says, "What do you have?" I show her my collection. "This one's pretty funny" I say referring to an experimental movie called "The Taker" It is about a special snowflake named Dingo who just expects everyone to give him everything. The reason why I picked it is because it seems right up Brooke's alley. She is being a taker right now and a special snow flake and I think she could very well relate to Dingo's behavior. "Sure" She says. We are only at the credits when Brooke announces, "This is boring what else do you have?" "Boring?" I almost shout, "How can you already know it's boring? We're 1 minute into it" "I just know" She says. "Brooke we're only on the credits"

"Yeah" She says, "They're boring" I guess she expects the credits to be super exciting. What a taker she's being. I would really like to watch the movie but I suppose it is not about what I want it is all about Brooke. "All right" I Say, "Do you want to pick out a different movie" "Please" She says. Maybe she could find a movie with really awesome credits all the power to her I guess. "I think you'll like this movie" I say, pulling out a documentery that was made in the year 2015 about Otherkin. "I think you'll find this one very interesting" I tell her, "It's about Otherkin" "Other what?" She asks, not sounding even the slightest bit interested. "Otherkin" I explain, "Their people who feel they were born into the wrong bodies" "Sure" Brooke says, "That sounds okay I guess" I guess I can't say I blame her one tiny little bit for not being completely pleased, she did just find out she was sick after all and she has had a long history of clinical depression dating back to 5th grade. Oh my god Brooke in 5th grade. I don't even remember what started it or when it started, maybe now that I think about it,

it was after christmas break, but I couldn't really quite get the concept because I was only in 3rd grade I thought maybe there was just a little holiday let down as their always had been for Brooke, both Brooke and our mother always loved Christmas, while Dad and I were always kind of on the more neutral side about it. I love it and everything but I was never too bummed about taking down the Christmas tree. Brooke on the other hand has always been one to cry when our family took down the Christmas tree that year was no exception, but as the year went by I came to realize that it was much more then a little after holiday blues, much much more as a matter a fact. January became February and February became March and so on and so forth, every day it didn't get any better. Some days she just wouldn't go to school at all but instead stay in her room and sleep all day, on weekends our family would sometimes go through days without seeing her at all. During spring break we literally never saw her. I don't even think she ever got up to use the bathroom, I am in fact still convinced to this day that she used a bed pan which is really not something I like to think about.

That Spring Break our family of four was planning a big day trip to Disney World, but Brooke never came out of her room so we went without her. It was kind of a cruel thing to do, but our mother never really seemed to care much for my sister. She seemed to think she was a constant disappointment and that just thinking about her brought great sorrow. I could never really figure out why Brooke could just couldn't win with our mother. But she always seemed more relaxed and happy in a way that I'd never seen when Brooke wasn't part of the picture. Hell she was a totally different person when Brooke wasn't in the picture, I didn't really understand my mother's issues with her she always seemed very inoffensive and quiet. We had a wonderful Brookeless time in Disney World, I was sorry Brooke didn't get to go, but on the other hand she wouldn't have had fun, Brooke didn't have fun at least not anymore. I'm also very sure that she didn't feel left out. I'm sure she didn't even notice when we were gone. On the rare days she would go to school she always looking as if she had just rolled out of bed and always walked into the classroom as if she were still half asleep, she wouldn't talk in class nor would she do her homework and instead of playing outside at recess she would take refuge in one of those playground tubes.

I had asked my mom why Brooke was so sad because I really couldn't see much of a reason, from what I heard, 5th grade sounded awesome. It was the year that they got to chose instruments, the year they got to preform Shakesphere plays and the year they got to go on the most exciting field trips that other grades had talked about for years. Also as far as I knew no one was bullying her, she had a really nice teacher who was rumored to be the best teacher at the school and she got a long well enough with her classmates. My mom told me that it was because she had a chemical imballance in her brain. I didn't really understand at first I thought she was sad because her brain was different or something and that that would make anyone sad, I didn't think it meant she had some kind of mental illness, but then my mom explained to me about Depression. I had vaguely heard about depression on Public Service Announcements, but for some reason I had the impression that it was only something that happened to adults. What even more surprised me was when she was given Prozac.

I had never heard of any other 5th grader taking Prozac I knew that there were kids who took pills like ritilin for concentration, but of course I had never heard of any 5th graders being on antidepressants but of course a big part of it may have been because I didn't know 5th graders could suffer from depression in the first place, I had thought you were supposed to be a certain age to start taking the drug. But she started taking it and never stopped taking it. She still takes it to this very day, plus some other anti depressants I wonder if the depression is a result of her Elher's Danlo's Syndrome and if that causes people to have more mental health problems, or if she is just feeling blue because she is sick. I suppose it doesn't really matter. Why should it? What matters is that she is really unhappy and I am not doing anything to help. I might as well leave, but clearly she wants me to stay and entertain her. I can't entertain her. I pop in the Otherkins movie. Believe it or not she get's bored even earlier into the movie. Now I find myself getting mad at her. I honestly can't help it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I snap. "We hardly watched any of this movie, we watched even less of this one then we did the other movie." "Yeah well it's boring I can tell, please put on a different one" I cross my arms across my chest. She has now crossed the line.

"NO!" I snap. She sits up in bed. "Excuse me?" She asks. "I said no god damnit, give it at least another couple of minutes god damnit. You can't just know it's boring when you hardly watched it. It's a really great movie if you watch it. I think you'd really like it if you give it a chance." Brooke appears as if she is going to cry, I am right away sorry for yelling at her. Am I ever fucking sorry, her lips start to quiver but she does not cry. "I guess I don't really feel like watching a movie" She says.

"Could you read to me Adam?" I remember back in the old days when she used to read to me when we were little kids before I went to bed. I remember it was especially nice when she would read to me during the week of the chicken pox. Now that I think about it when she caught the chicken pox from me a week later, she was a hell of a lot sicker then me, maybe I should have seen that as a tell tale sign. "Sure" I say, "I'll read to you." I try to dig out some reading material but the problem is, the only thing that even comes close to reading material that I have stored in the guest room are old documents from my first two semesters of teaching and a couple of old classroom rosters.

I come to realize that Bernadette and I really put all the effort we could have in the guest room, and that it's not really the best place to stay if you are a guest. The rosters are pretty entertaining though I have to say there are some pretty futuristic names on the lists that I think she might get a kick of, seriously who wouldn't get a kick out of names like Timecapsule McMullun and Waterbottle Davis. I think that might be just the thing that gets her to laugh or at the very least smile today. She doesn't smile and she most certainly doesn't laugh.

"Eh" She says, "I don't think that's that weird. Parents can name their kids whatever they want in this day and age, there's no reason to be so judgmental Adam" She says appathetically. She's so boring how can she stand herself? "I'm really not interested in listening to class lists. I meant I wanted to hear a story." I now feel really bad that we haven't stocked up in the guest room and even worse that I can't think of any stories to tell. "Do you have any children's books?" She asks. It just brings tears to my eyes to hear my strong, mature together responsible sister ask to hear a children's book. "Children's book?" I ask, I in fact don't have anything like that because why would I? We don't have any kids or nieces or nephews. Hell I'd like to have kids, but Bernadette won't even touch that idea. Not even when we get married. "Could you get me some from the library?" She asks, when it suddenly occurs to me that I do have just the reading material she is looking for and it is right in my teaching bag. Every Tuesday and Thursday Mornings, I go over to the Public school and teach a class for highschooler's with mild to moderate to sever to profound reading disabilities. The Highest readers are able to read at a 7th grade level, but the lowest readers can only read at a 2nd grade level. I'm pretty sure Brooke is really wanting to hear one from the 2nd grade level, she is acting like quite the 2nd grader right now. I only have a 3rd grade reader and an 8th grade reader So I take out the 3rd grade reader. They are very old readers like from the early 90's to the late 2020's I guess by the 2030's they just stopped making them. The one I have is from maybe 1994 or something.

Again we go through the exact same ordeal with the movies, I read her the first sentence in the story and she is bored, but at least their are at least 17 stories in this reader so it's progress to watching her just watching 1 minutes or less then the credits of two movies. She doesn't care about any of the 17 stories, not about the family who only eats jam, not about the girl who is horse crazy, not about the girl who is teaching her grandma how to read, not about the deaf girl who everyone is mean to, not about the man who builds himself a scarebird, not about the dentist who plays tricks on his patients, not about the kid in Japan who sleeps for 7 years, not even about the polar bear cub or the seal pup (Not that I give a damn either) or even about the kids who's Uncle with Down's Syndrome moves in with them, or about the boy who discovers a magical garden. I close the book and let out a huge sigh of exasperation.

"Why don't you just take a nap" I suggest.

"No way Adam" She moans,

"I'm not tired. Do you have another reader?" I do have another reader but forget it, if she wasn't interested before what in the world gives her the idea that she's going to be interested in the next one. "I think you should just rest, your obviously in a really shitty mood" I did not mean to say it it just slips out, but man does she ever look offended. Great now what can I do.

"Would you like half of my Belsomra?" I ask, when I say that her eyes light up and it seems like all is forgiven for now. "I'd love one" She says. I am probably the only one in our direct family of four who takes sleeping pills because like I said sleeping under a pillow of rocks is not comfortable. I hadn't needed to take it until the secret got really out of hand. I quickly head over to Bernadette and my room and get my Belsomra bottle. Technically I'm not supposed to share it with other people, but Brooke is really suffering and she doesn't have anything else for sleep and if I can't get her to sleep it's going to be a whole afternoon of this nonsense. While I am at it I get her a glass of water from our bathroom, she could swallow the pill with her saliva but after all the choking she's been going through lately I don't want to chance it. "Here you are Brooke" I say handing her both the half a Belsomra and the water. When she holds pops the pill into her mouth and goes to take a sip of water something very odd happens. She freezes. Just freezes. "Brooke?" I say waving my hand in her face,

"Brooke you okay? Brooke" Then something even weirder happens, I feel guilty. Like it is my fault for being snippy at her. I try to remind myself that I am not thinking logically because I am obviously really freaking out. "Brooke!" I shout again, she remains in her frozen position. "Are you all right? Can you hear me?" Still nothing. While she is in her position with her mouth open, I take the opportunity to remove the saliva drenched pill from her mouth and the cup of water from her hands.

"Brooke sweetie what's wrong?" I ask, "What's wrong Brooke?" I repeat, still nothing. "What's wrong?" I ask again. "What's wrong?" Still she does not snap out of her funk. As time goes by I start to wonder if I should go get Mike and Bernadette, maybe they will know what to do, I am about to leave the room and get one of them or both of them when she finally snaps out of it.

"Brooke?" I ask, "What happened, are you all right?" She then bursts into heavy tears. I sit down on the bed next to her and let her lay her head down in my lap and stroke her hair as she sobs so hard her entire body shakes. She wipes her eyes and looks up at me. She is shivering uncontrollably despite the fact that I have finally found her the right blanket. "This isn't the first time this has happened" She says. "Has it been happening a lot lately?" I ask. "Actually no" She says,

"Not lately, not in a really long time actually. It happened a lot during Freshman year of College" This is actually the first time I've heard Brooke talk about Freshman year of College, usually she tries to avoid the subject like it is the plague. I remember thinking she was having a really good time at first, she had sent our family long and detailed email's about how great things were going and about all the new friends she was making and all the parties she was attending and clubs she joined. It made our mother so happy that Brooke was happy, and when my mother was happy, everyone was a lot happier and relaxed. I believed it at the time, we all did but when she came home for Christmas break she seemed to be in one of her funks again, maybe even more so then usual so I knew she wasn't really that happy. Although it is a well known fact that Brooke loves Christmas, it's also a well known fact that she often times brings a foul mood with her to the Christmas dinner table, it is in fact very rare when she is in a good mood at Christmas dinner. Nothing compared to her mood that year however. When she talked about the wonderful times she was having she seemed to be doing so through grit teeth. She seemed bitter and angry. My dad realized picked up that she was in a bad mood, which leaded them to get in a huge fight, where Brooke started throwing chairs and breaking dishes and crying so hard she was practically screaming and snot was running down her nose. We had never seen her so angry it had Mom to cry and me to step in and play the roll of mediator. "Stay out of this Adam" My dad had yelled. Thank god it had only been our direct family of four that year, Aunt Beverly was out of town, Grandma and Grandpa were dead and Brooke and I didn't have anyone we were dating at the time.

Brooke slowly moves to the edge of the bed where she parks herself and let's her feet dangle. Her eyes wide and scared but her tears are now all dry.

"It really was a shitty year Adam" She says, "Freshman year of College" That much I figure. I wish I could give her some comforting words like "I know how that is" But I don't. Freshman year might have been terrible for her, but it was the best year of my life, I'd sound like a selfish bastard. We are silent for a while, I keep looking at her to make sure she doesn't freeze again. She doesn't. She is playing with the end pieces of the woven blanket. "I do remember Christmas dinner that year" I say.

"Oh God" Brooke says, she is now in tears again. "I broke all of mom's important China"

"I recall" I say, "And one of the legs on our fine wooden chairs. And the salt and pepper shakers"

"Did I?" She asks. "Oh Man, I was just so crazy out of control, I don't even remember that" I nod my head slowly as we slip into silence again.

"How often did that happen Freshman year?" I ask trying to remember if that ever happened during Christmas break.

"What?" She asked.

"The that. you know the freezing what ever you want to call it"

"I don't know I guess seizures but not really because I was well aware of them, episodes" She shrugs her shoulders and moves back to the head of the bed where she lays her head on the pillow and starts anxiously playing with a strand of hair. "It was very infrequent how often they happened" She says,

"Sometime's it would be like 5 time's a day, some days they wouldn't happen at all, other times I'd go through entire weeks just waiting for them to happen but they wouldn't, but then by second semester they became more predictable they happened every single day, at least 6 times a day sometimes even more. "Brooke" I say, that is all I can say.

"It was so frustrating." She continues, "But it was more frustrating when I wasn't having them every day, those days when I just waited around for them to happen were just the pits. Eventually I stopped going to class and even when I did go my marks were pretty much deplorable, I was already flunking every class and I was already really behind because I had to take some time off with my knee injury" That is the one thing I remembered sucking about her Freshman year. some time in early October she had completely wrecked her right knee or was it her left during an epic soccer game. I can't even remember anymore. I had thought that besides that she was happy, although I'm sure she was pretty down in the dumps about not getting to play soccer and having to be bed ridden. "Yeah that's right" I say, "You had that huge accident in that huge soccer game" "That's what I said" She says, "But that was a complete lie it wasn't during an epic soccer game, it was during soccer practice, I wasn't even playing, I was just getting ready to play, I was just putting my shin guards on and then the next thing I knew I was in the hospital and they were telling me I needed a complete knee replacement because I had completely blown it out. I couldn't tell you guys the truth." I take it in for a really long time, In a way I can sort of relate one time I had a sex related injury and I made up a story about it but that's probably a lot different. The only similarity is that they both happened Freshman year of College. I honestly cannot think of a single word to say without making myself sound like a shallow asshole. I can't just say talk about my Freshman year which was so Redonie to her Blueonie.

"You guys just thought I was doing great" She says, "I felt just terrible lying to you" "Like you were sleeping on a bed of rocks?" I ask, finally I have something I can relate to "Exactly" She says, "It was so hard for me to write those long detailed emails talking about how great I was doing. I felt terrible fooling you guys, but you know It would have killed me if mom knew how bad I was doing. She just needs me to be happy. If I can't be happy then she can't be happy" "Yeah she worries about you" I say, "I know she resorts to drugs and alcohol if I'm not happy, and I didn't want to do that to her, and I'd hate to think of how she'd handle this" I hold Brooke tightly to me. "I think she'd be very worried" I say, "I think she was very worried about you then too" "Why should she have been?" She asks, "I was having a great time in College" "She knew you weren't as soon as you came home for Christmas break she knew you weren't doing so well at all" "Because of how I acted at dinner?" Brooke asks staring down at her legs. "She knew before that" I tell her, "The day she found you in your Pajama's she knew you were sad" "What's that supposed to mean?" Brooke asks.

"Found me in my pajamas where, in the sewer, by the train track, in the lost and found?" She says it through grit teeth. "Are you okay Brooke?" I ask, "You seem really upset." "Of course I'm upset" She says. "And I have no idea what your talking about" "Um no she found you in the living room at like 3:00" "Didn't sound like she had to look very hard" Brooke says grouchily. Way to take everything way too literally. I remember my mom pulling me aside that day. "Adam" She had said, "Your sister seems sad, don't you think?" It was a conversation I had had with my mother many of times, it was my job to reassure her that no she wasn't sad. But I hadn't seen her since that summer, I knew about as much as she did, her emails seemed a bit manic if anything. "How so?" I had asked. "She's wearing her pajama's at 3:00 for gods sake" My mother said.

"I think she might be depressed again" In some ways it is like Brooke and my mother are the same person if one of them is Depressed then both of them are depressed, if one of them is relaxed and happy then both of them are relaxed and happy. She is overly attached to my sister but at the same time she is freakishly detached to her. "It's Vacation" I say, "She didn't have to go anywhere, why shouldn't she wear her pajama's all day? She's been busy at school all semester I think she deserves to spend a day in her pajamas give her a break"

"Well so what?" My mother had said, "You've been busy at school too and look at you, you bothered to get dressed this morning" "Well that's different" I said trying to reason with her, "I'm in high school, she's in college"

"Same difference" My mother said sipping her afternoon martini, it made me sad that her frustration with Brooke caused her to drink during the day. "Actually no, College takes a lot out of you" "I think I'd know better than you" She had said, she was/is a mean drunk but she's also kind of a bitchy sober as well a really bitchy sober actually. "I've been to college and you haven't so shove it" I have seen my mother wear her pajama's all day, but I guess that was because she was depressed too which must have been where she was getting the idea from.

"Maybe she's just not feeling well"

"She's always getting sick" My mother had complained. "She probably just has a bad immune system because she's so damn depressed" She probably thinks that her depression could easily be cured with a simple "Go cry emo kid" no one's telling my mom to go cry emo kid, but that's all Brooke ever hears from my mother. "Oh grow cry emo kid" go cry emo kid hasn't been popular since her generation by the by. And also Brooke is not emo she is rightfully depressed thank you very much, I'm pretty sure emo just means hating on your life because it's in style, not hating your life because it actually sucks. If only my mother could see Brooke now and find out that there actually is something more then depression that is complicating her immune system, she'd feel damn sorry, but at the same time she'd probably drink and drug herself stupid, the only way she'd ever be okay with Brooke having Elher Danlo Syndrome would be if Brooke handled it well and Brooke is not handling it well, she is handling it like any normal person would. It would be way too much for my mom to ask if someone who has had a history of Depression did not get depressed about having Elher's Danlo Syndrome. Fucking way too much to ask. Fucking bitch. If you ask me I think it was a bit too much of her to expect Brooke to get dressed during a day of Christmas vacation when she didn't have anywhere to be and we didn't have anyone coming over and she had just gotten done with her first semester of college. And for god's sake at least she actually got up, some times during her deep depression's she never even bothers to get out of bed

"Would you like your sleeping pill now?" I ask Brooke. "Yeah sure" I hand her the water and the pill and worry that she is going to have one of her seizures again, I can tell that maybe she is thinking the same thing. She looks pretty scared. "You okay?" I ask. "I'm scared Adam" She says. "What if this triggers a seizure every time" It is like the two of us have some kind of ESP or something. "You'll be okay" I say even though I know that as well as she does which is not at all. She takes the pill without having any kind of spell. "I'll stay here till you fall asleep" I say,

"Okay" She says. At first I couldn't wait to get out of the room, but now I'm afraid to leave. She had said that the "Seizures" had happened on a daily basis Freshman Year second Semester. Brooke tosses and turns a bit. "You okay?" I ask for about the billionth time that day, well maybe not the billionth time but something close. "This pills not working" She says, "Can I have another half" "I'm sorry" I say, "But technically I'm not supposed to share this perscription since it has my name on it, and 1/2 of a pill is the normal dosage, it always works for me, it might be really dangerous for you to take anymore. It will take a while but when it kicks in you'll know it. "Am I boring you?" she asks suddenly sounding really guilty, "Because you could go hang out with Mike and Bernadette if you want" "No" I say, "I um should probably be here anyway in case you have another seizure." "So you're just hanging with me because you feel obligated?" She asks. It is the truth and we both know it. "I don't want you to hang out with me because you feel obligated" She says just like that she is tearing up again. "No" He says, "I'm fine. I want to" "But I'm being such a pain" She says. Now the tears are flowing freely down her cheeks. "No. Well yeah you are but I can understand" "Thanks" She says,

"You're just like Genica She was such a good friend I don't deserve her. I was such a bitch to her, but she stayed my friend" Although up until today I knew very little about Brooke's Freshman year I did know Genica. If Brooke didn't have a best friend in Elementary School or high school, Genica was definitely her best friend in college, she still is her best friend, they still keep in touch and get together quite often. According to Mike, Bernadette has a girl crush on Brooke, but Genica has a real genuine crush on Brooke if you ask me. She says she has a boyfriend but I don't believe it. I'll believe it when I see it Brooke keeps going on. "I don't deserve you either Adam" Now I can tell that her voice is kicking in by the way she is slurring. "You invite me over, and I act like shit to you I'm sorry Adam" "Hey It's all right" I say. I look over at Brooke.

"You getting sleepy?" I ask, She looks at me and nods then falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow. I kiss her on the top of the head and then make my way to the kitchen.

Mike and Bernadette are sitting at the counter sipping beers and boy do they look uncomfortable to be in each other's presence, I feel really bad for taking so long and leaving them alone for so long, but I remember that my job is to take care of my sister, my job is not to keep Mike and Bernadette entertained, if they can't do that for themselves then I guess their loss or something.

"How's she doing?" Mike asks, "She's sleeping" I say. "You sure took long enough" Bernadette says, "It was hard work" I say, "You deserve a beer" Bernadette says.

"We drank the last beer remember?" Mike asks, "Oh oh yeah" Bernadette says, "Would you like a coke?" "Yeah sure" I say. "So what all happened?" Bernadette asks, "I thought you were just going to make up a bed for her and that would be it" "Do you want the long list or the short list?" I ask.

"Whichever" Bernadette says, I end up going with the long list, since that is how it happened. "First she was uncomfortable with the sheets, they were too itchy, so I had to find another blanket, but that one was too soft for her, It sure is a hell of a good thing that we have a lot of blankets. Once I finally did get her the right blanket she complained that her pillow was too fat so I had to go through the same thing we did with the blankets, Once she was comfortable enough she wanted to watch the TV, so I showed her my movie connection, she watched each movie for at least 5 minutes before deciding it was totally boring some time less then 5."

"Oh Adam sweetie" She says, "I'm so sorry" I don't give her a chance to speak, I just continue venting, I can't help it, it feels good. "So then she asked me to read to her but I didn't have any reading material in the guest room so I read her the names on the seating charts." Bernadette smirks. "Yeah I agree, that does not count as reading material" I thought she would get a crack out of some of the names of the kids in my class because a lot of them have pretty funny names, she didn't. At one point I think she had a seizure?"

"Really?" Bernadette asks, now she is all serious. She nudges me hard in the ribs. "Well sweetie why didn't you come and get me?" She asks. He'llo! Valli's been epileptic since she was 12 I've known how to deal with seizure's since then. "Well I don't think you would have been able to deal with this one" I tell her Well no I don't think you could have" I say placing my hand on Bernadette's shoulder. "It wasn't that kind of seizure. It wasn't that kind of seizure at all" "Then what kind was it?" Bernadette asks. "Like Petite Mal because that can happen to Vallarie but it's very rare like just sometimes she stares off into space and loses track of where she is but she quickly returns" "No it wasn't really like that" I Try to explain "It was more Like Cataplexy, like I handed her a cup of water and she just froze. and she didn't come back right away either."

"Oh my god what did you do?" Bernadette asked. "I panicked" I admit, "There was nothing else to do"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Brooke**

Does it ever seem like old ghosts from Freshman year of College are out to Haunt me? Now that word has gotten out about my awful past things are unable to stay in the past. I had thought my seizure's were a thing of the past. As soon as Freshman year of college ended, so did they. But now they are back. As I make my way out of the guest room down the hall I swear I have another. Thank god it is not the catatonic kind of seizure again, but the spacing out types of seizures are just embarassing.

"Brooke you all right?" Bernadette asks snapping me out of my state. "Yeah I'm okay" I say, "I just forgot where I was for a while" "Don't you love those prescription sleeping pills?

They just make you feel so demented, I always say why take them when you can always take ZZZquil? It works like a charm for me every night. Also it's delicious it actually tastes like mixed berries" I Had forgotten all about taking the sleeping pills. I hope that is all that is that explains it. "It's 4:30" Adam says, "I gave her the pill sometime around 12:30, it should be worn off by then."

"Oh my god Brooke are you all right?" Bernadette asks. "What why?" I ask, "Oh my god" She says, "I've just seen Valli get like this so many times, she stares into space and she doesn't remember where she is. Do you know where you are?" It intimidates me when she stands directly in front of me and places her hands on my shoulders she is at least 3 inches taller then me. "Your house" I say,

"And I really have to pee, could you please let me use the rest room" "Oh yeah sure of course" Bernadette says. "It's to your right" I wander off in the direction that I think is my right but apparently it is not, because Bernadette is very quick to point that out "Oh no sweetie your other right" She says gently grabbing me by the arm. I jerk away from her. She really creeps me out. She just tries way to hard with me. Way way way to hard. Without her help I slam right into the wall. Adam is right at my side. "You all right?" "Ouch!" I moan. Then I realize the most embarrassing thing that could have happened, during the time I smacked myself into the wall, I hadn't realized that I had lost control of my bladder, how could I not have felt that? Oh well I feel it now all right "Oh shit" I cry.

"What what's wrong?" What does he mean what's wrong? Does he not notice? Is there not a huge puddle on the carpet? I scrunch down to the floor and sob. "Brooke?" He asks, "What is it?" I motion for him to come over so I can whisper in his ear. "I wet myself" I whisper in a little girly voice. "It's okay sweetie" Adam says. "No it's not" I cry. "It's totally disgusting and weird and abnormal" I'm so embarassed I would just love to crawl in a hole and hibernate for the rest of existence. "Oh my god is it super obvious?" I cry,

"No" Adam says, "It's okay.

"Brooke what happened are you okay?" Bernadette asks. No way am I going to let Bernadette in on this. "I'm fine" I snap.

"Did you have a little accident?" Bernadette asks, it's scary that she knows that, but I guess it makes sense, I did really have to go and I wasn't able to make it to the bathroom after all.

"Yeah so?" I snap. "So nothing" Bernadette says shrugging it off. "It's okay, we could get you a change of underpants" Although she says it is no big deal, there is a smirk in her voice. "Damnit Bernadette" I cry "Don't laugh at me" "No no no" She says giving off a kind of condescending baby voice and why shouldn't she I had just wet the my pants and the floor thank you very much. "Brooke I'm not laughing at you" She says, "Believe me this shit happens to Valli all the time. She got really embarrassed and cried like this too when she had her first pants wetting seizure" "Did I leave a puddle?" I ask. "Did I go and leave a god damn puddle?" "You did" Bernadette says, "But it's really not all that bad, we have some fabreez in the closet and then we could use an old towel to clean it up. Or even better let's use the lammy" I have no idea what she's talking about. I cover my eyes with my hands. "Oh my god you guys" I cry, "You have no fucking Idea how sorry I am about this" I cry and cry for hours on end.

"Don't cry Brooke" Adam says. "Why shouldn't I? I'm so weird and gross" Bernadette returns shortly from her room with an old warn down sheep skinned rug, that must be what she reffers to as the lammy. "See" She says cleaning it up, "It's really not that big of a deal. The whole time she says this I can feel her smirk. It is just so obviously there. "Here's a clean pair of panties" She says, giving them a genuine toss

"Mike got them from your suitcase "You're laughing at me" "No sweetie I'm not laughing." Is there any way this situation could get more babyish then it already is, A. I have wet my pants, B. Bernadette is speaking to me in that babying voice and C. She is cleaning up my puddle with something presumably from her childhood that she used to refer to as a lammy, the lammy is just making everything worse. I god damn hate the god damn fucking lammy. I'm sure that it probably goes way back to her nursery days, I can in fact just picture her lying on that thing as a tiny baby with a huge smirk across her face. I'll tell you she was born with that demented grin plastered right on her face.

"I'm not laughing at you" She says again. I find locate the bathroom where hideout for a couple of seconds. Their probably all having a nice conversation about what a weird freak I am. I decide their's really no point in going back into the guest room to lay down, I decide I will join the other's in the living room. "Feel better?" Bernadette asks I can see that smirk from inches away. "Just shut up okay?" I. "Bernadette really is trying to be nice to you Brooke" Adam says as I flop myself down on one of the chairs. "She's laughing at me" I say grouchily folding my arms to my chest.

"She is not." Adam says, "God damnit why do you have to be so judgmental?" So Apparently now I am being judgmental of Bernadette being judgmental of me. Just what? "I'm the one being judgmental?" I ask, "Yes" Adam says, "As weird as it may sound, you're judging her about judging you"

"Hey" Bernadette says holding out her hand, "Let's not fight. Not on our first night as roommates no bad idea. Just remembered I have to call Chico Callie Mimi about ordering take out" "You're not going to get takeout at Chico Callie Mimi" Adam says. "Why not?" Bernadette asks, "Are you kidding?" Adam asks, "It's an expensive restaurant they don't do takeouts" "Oh" Bernadette says, "I uh, I totally didn't think of that shit. Brooke would you be okay with going out for dinner?" She asks. I really wouldn't it is the absolute last thing in the world I want, but for some reason my my mouth just won't co operate with my brain. "Sure I say, what time" "Really?" Bernadette asks, "You sure?" "Sure" I say

I do not get carsick on the rest of the way to Chico Callie Mimi, but on the other hand that is really not all that much of an accomplishment since it is only a couple of blocks away. As we walk in I see that the restaurant's interior hasn't changed all that much from when our family used to go their when we were young upon occasion. Us kids always got the exact same thing every time we came to Chico Callie Mimi, prime rib off the kids menu. Then one day. 6 year old Adam decided to do something really brave and daring. My ultra brave little brother decided to try ordering something different off the kids menu for once. He decided to be adventurous and order baked chicken can you believe it.

It may sound like I'm being condescending by all means I am, but Adam was 6 it was a huge accomplishment at the time, he probably just than realized that he could order other things off the kids menu besides prime rib and that would be pretty exciting and I suppose brave even if it was just something ordinary like baked chicken which we had all the time at home, but I suppose I was not so brave because I continued to get prime rib off the kids menu no matter how old I got as a matter a fact prime rib off the kid's menu is exactly what I'm planning on ordering tonight and I am 29 years old, but still I'm not brave enough to order something new, and not in the slightest brave enough to order something off the adults menu. But that's just how things have been going lately, every time Mike takes me out to dinner I order off the kid's menu, I think that's actually kind of brave in of its self to eat something besides buttered noodles, but if they do have buttered noodles at restaurants I try to get it, although they usually don't have angel hair, it's usually stupid wagon wheels. "We'll get a table for four" Bernadette says to the waitress, "Our reservations are under Kennedy-Kane-Lane" I don't see why she had to complicate it so much, I guess none of us our married, but I suppose if I do get married to Mike someday in the nearby future and if I were to hyphonate my name it would be Brooke Kennedy-Lane, it kind of has a nice ring to it actually, I guess if Bernadette were to marry Adam and if she were to hyphonate her name it would be Bernadette Kennedy-Kane. It's funny how things worked out, but I'm pretty sure as much as Adam wants to settle down and have kids I can't see it happening for him and Bernadette because Bernadette does not believe in the whole marriage thing and having a man tie her down.

"Booth or table?" "Booth please" Bernadette says giving her a can opener smile. She's such a can opener.

The first thing I go for as we sit down at the table is the drink menu. Adam raises one eye brow at me. "WHAT?" I snap. "What what?" He asks, "I didn't say anything." "You didn't have to" I say, "Why are you giving me that look" "No reason" He says. A waitress comes by. "Hello" She says, "My name is Purity and I will be your waitress for tonight" She looks exactly like someone who would be named purity, she is so fat and covered with acne and gross that anyone can bet she's still a virgin, and no that is not by choice. I hold my tongue. "Can I start you off with any drinks?" I realize that there is nothing in the world I want more then to get drunk. I just want to drink away my sorrows, and why shouldn't I? I have every reason, it's something I've always done during states of depression, It was something I'd done in college some of the time even if it meant 101% of the time drinking alone.

As soon as I was out of Morphine pills I would splurge on the heavy stuff, Brandy, Whiskey, Jack Daniels, Everclear" Now in retrospect I realize that I was stupid. I shouldn't have been drinking with my seizure disorder, but the thing was, although I'm probably making myself sound like an alcoholic with a really big problem, truth be told I really didn't drink that much because you see, I hardly ever left my room. Although there was a liquor store almost directly across from Campus and, I never really had the energy to go there, nor did I want to be seen in public, I would go their once in a blue moon, maybe twice a month and buy an expensive bottle of hard liquor which would last about a week. "Let's see" I say taking some time with the menu, "I guess I'll get a chocolate rasberry martini," "Okay" Purity says, writing it down, "And how about the rest of you," "I'll get a bud light" Adam says, "Could I get a strawberry daquari too?" I say interrupting Adam, "Sure" Purity says righting it down, "And uh maybe a Whiskey Sour and could I also get a guiness chaser" Adam makes a face,

"Brooke hey whoa girl, just get one or the other"

"Don't boss me around" I shout. "Brooke" Adam says trying to keep his voice calm, "Please don't yell this is a fancy restaurant. I'm not trying to boss you around, I just don't think it's a good idea for you to be drinking with your condition that's all, besides I gave you that medication earlier." "So?" I say a little too loudly, "You take Belsomra and your having a drink." "Brooke for god's sake" Adam says again, "Not so loud, do you see what you just did? Now everyone at the restaurant knows I take Belsomra and people are staring. Besides FYI I only take that medicine at night and It's been out of my system for over 20 hours now and I'm only having a light beer not four heavy cocktails so that's not the same thing." Purity clears her throat. "It sounds like you guys are still deciding, should I get back to you?" "I'll go with a bloody Mary" Bernadette says, "And I agree, I think this lady here should only get one or the other" She turns to me,

"Can't you just imagine the hangover you're going to have tomorrow?" She asks me, her blue eyes going wide. "I'll go with a whiskey sour" Mike says, "And I think she should just have water" "Good lord" I snap "Stop treating me like a little kid you guys, just because I'm ordering off the kid's menu doesn't mean I'm not an adult" "Okay fine she'll get the white Chocolate Raspberry Martini, that was your first choice right?" "Right" I say poutingly. "Oh yes could we get a kid's menu?" Mike asks. "Sure of course" Purity says, "Hey don't judge me" I snap, "I'm just not very hungry today okay? OKAY?"

"Okay" Purity says, she then nervously skitters away. "Good lord Brooke" Bernadette says, "What's the matter with you? She wasn't judging you" Now that I think about it she wasn't, she hadn't said anything judgmental and I had acted like a grade A bitch for no reason. Oh shit. Oh god damn fucking shit.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Bernadette:**

I have never seen Bitch be so much of a Brooke, I mean Brooke be so much of a Bitch. But once we get to Chico Callie Mimi she seems to be on a roll. Usually when the four of us go out to dinner she shows little to no trace of personality, as a matter a fact she usually doesn't really show much of a personality in general, but now she is quite the piece of work.

Of course I can't say I blame her for one second, she does have Ehler Danlo's Syndrome and from what very little I know about the disease that really sucks, but still she really shouldn't have agreed to come to Chico Callie Mimi if she obviously wasn't up for going out.

"Hello" A homely looking waitress akin to the character Sadness from the old Pixar classic Inside Out says, "My name is Purity and I will be taking your orders tonight" Oh man and I thought my name was awful, Purity just takes the cake, and it is already really obvious that she hasn't been layed a single day in her life. Brooke is busily scanning the drink menu.

"I'll get a chocolate raspberry Martini" Brooke says. I for one don't think she should be drinking at all, she did have a seizure earlier, although a lot of time's seizures and drinking can be very unpradictable together I would know all about that from Vallarie's stay. Anyone would think that Brooke would be trying to avoid having the kind of seizure she had, but I guess it probably just hasn't crossed her mind.

"All right" Purity says writing down Brooke's order. "Do the rest of you know what you're having?" "I'll get a bud light" Adam says right then Brooke interrupts him and that is so not like her at least I don't think so, I guess I am finally getting a glimpse at who Brooke Victoria Kennedy really is, and I have to say I don't really like what I'm seeing. I remind myself over and over that I am doing this for Adam, she is Adam's sister and it is important to him. "Could I get a strawberry daiquari too?" She asks.

"Sure" Purity says, "What can I get for you two?" She asks Mike and I, but before either of us can get a word in Brooke interrupts us again with more drink orders. "Maybe also a Whiskey Sour and a Guiness" She says. Poor thing. She really is grieving. I guess everyone grieve's differently but four drinks? Really? Acting like a total fucking bitch is already more grieving from her then I can handle right now. I swear if she adds four drinks she's probably just going to be even more insufferable. Not that I've noticed her being a mean drunk, but I also didn't really notice her getting more then one drink when we went out, nor did I notice alcohol ever giving her any more of a personality. Adam is the first one to say anything about Brooke's beyond embarrassing behavior.

"Brooke hey whoa girl" Adam says, "Just get one or the other." Brooke's eyes become narrow slits. "You are not to boss of me Adam" She snaps, "I'm older then you and don't you ever forget that,"

Oh man. Vallerie always plays the I'm older then you card with me too. Of course she is only 3 minutes older then me. Still I feel like she get's everything first and I get what's left over. For instance Vallerie got the better name of the two of us, not only is it more flattering but also there is the fact that she is not named after just one oldie but three whole entire different oldies, one being the late 60's or maybe early 70's hit by the monkeys, one being the 80's hit by Steve Winwood and one being the 2010's hit by Amy Winehouse. Also she got all the boyfriends and all the popularity the better personality, but I suppose she also got stuck with the epilepsy which I did not, so at least I have that going for me. But you know what? Despite the fact that she's 3 minutes older, I'm still the bossy one because I think she makes really shitty choices with her whole Yolo thing and it totally deserves to be called out on. And Brooke is making really shitty choices by ordering four drinks so why shouldn't she be called out on it? Besides Adam is just trying to make her as comfortable as she can be while suffering from Ehler Danlo's Syndrome and if she get's drunk and has a hangover she's going to have all kinds of hell to pay tomorrow morning. Brooke continues to go at it with Adam, "besides It's only 4 drinks I can handle it"

"Only four?" Adam asks. Brooke just rolls her eyes clearly she doesn't want to hear it any of it, "Please just get one" Adam says, "Please" "No" She snaps, "I'm getting four of them" Adam leans in and keeps his voice low. "Brooke listen." He says, "Please not so loud, this is a fancy restaurant, and I'm not trying to boss you around" From there he speaks in soft whispers so I can't really tell what he's saying, but I can sure tell what Brooke is saying because she shouts everything. For god's sake doesn't she realize she's supposed to be at a restaurant. "Well you take Belsomra and you're having a drink tonight"

God damnit why must her voice be so god damn loud, and what a god damn innapporopriate thing to say, that is just not something you do. You don't just blurt out in a public place what medications someone else takes, which is another reason I am glad I only take ZZquill. I wouldn't mind if a restaurant full of people knew I took over the counter medication to help me sleep once in a while, lot's of people do, but you're just not supposed to talk about perscription medications in public, that is something you're supposed to be private about, right up their with religion or sex or even diseases. Speaking of I am so fucking annoyed with her that I would love to shout out in front of the whole restaurant

"Forgive her behavior she has Elher's Danlo's Syndrome" I do not because despite what a lot of people may think of me, I'm really not THAT much of a bitch. Besides it's not like that's a super well known disease or anything it's not like people are going to automatically know what I'm talking about. Also it's really not my place to be telling people that. If anyone should be spilling beans about her Elher's Danlo's Syndrome it should be Mike or Adam. I don't really feel like I have any kind of relationship with Brooke, and now that she is showing her true colors I'm not sure If I want to know her that well. I feel really bad for poor Purity having to be in the middle of this, but she is doing her best, she rolls right over their whatissupposedtobeaprivateconversation and takes Mike's and my order. "I'll get a Bloody Mary" I say, I quickly turn to face Brooke, "And I quite agree with Adam here, I think she should just get one or the other" Brooke continues to look angry,

"No I'm getting all four" Purity obviously doesn't want to get into this conflict so she just focus's on getting Mike's order. "I'll get a whisky sour" He says, "And I think she should get a water" "Good lord" She snaps, "Stop treating me like a little kid, just because I'm ordering off the kid's menu doesn't mean I'm not an adult" It's so cute and funny that she thinks that, that's why we're treating her like a little kid. "All right fine" Mike says "She'll get a Chocolate Raspberry martini" Brooke continues to pout.

"Wasn't that your first choice?" He asks, "Sure" She says

"Whatever" "And could we also get a kid's menu?" Mike asks, "Yeah sure of course" Purity says, "Don't you dare judge me" Brooke snaps, bitterness falling from her lips.

"I'm just not hungry okay? Okay? OKAY!"

"Okay" Purity says helplessly then scurries away like a frightened rabbit. "MY God Brooke what's the matter with you?" I want to know, I mean really really want to know. "She wasn't judging you, no one was judging you" "God damnit" Brooke says, she then repeats it very loudly.

"Brooke hey" I say, "There are little kids here watch your language" "I'm just really fucking sorry" She says her voice becoming teary. "Hey it's okay" I say, "She's coming back, she's going to be our waitress all night you can apologize to her any time" Just in the nick of time Purity is back with our drinks and Brooke's children's menu. "What no crayons?" Brooke asks critically. Purity looks confused.

"He'll'o" Brooke says, "I ordered the kids menu, don't I get crayons" "Oh" Purity says, "Did you want crayons, we don't usually give crayons with our menu but I'll see what I can do." What a fucking princess Brooke is. "She's joking" I say. More likely she's just being bitter but no need to say that. Purity ignores the whole crayon conversation. It's over. The crayons are never discussed again. Brooke appears dissasisfied at her drink. "Where's the rest of my cocktails?" she asks. "You only ordered one remember?" Mike asks. "No" She says, "I specifically remember ordering four" "Yes but Brooke, you agreed on just one remember?" Brooke stares at the table and pouts. "Fine" She says, "But I'm getting a refill" She takes one sip and tightly squeezes her fore head. "You all right?" I ask. Not that I especially care or anything, as I have said I don't think I like her or want to get to know her etc, but also as I've said earlier holy shit I'm starting to sound like a broken record, she's Adam's sister and I love Adam, so I've got to put up with this Brooke situation whether I like it or not. I'm sure Adam wasn't a huge fan of Vallarie either, but when two people love each other as much as Adam and I, you sometime's gotta do things that really suck. Brooke pushes her martini glass away from her.

"Are you all right?" I ask again. Could she possibly be drunk already, oh man is it ever a good thing that she didn't try to drink four different drinks. "Brooke what's wrong?" I ask her. "I feel funny" She moans, "Like drunk?" I ask,

"Something like that" She says and leaves it at that. She definitely seems drunk when Purity comes back. "May I take your orders?" She asks. Brooke at one point she falls out of her chair,

when she is trying to reach for her menu, I guess what's happening is her perception is totally off because the menu is right in front of her and there was really no reason for her to fall off her chair, but she just didn't seem to get that it was right in front of her. "Good heavens are you all right?" Purity asks. Brooke appears utterly confused and embarassed and why shouldn't she? Adam helps her back into her chair. "You okay sis?" He asks. "I don't really know how that happened" She says. She is embarrassed again. "Well" Adam says, "I hate to say I told you so but I told you so" Brooke just stares at her lap, while Purity goes over the specials. "The special for today is a mixed grill of red deer, Karabu and Antilope." "Oh my god that just sounds delish, I know what I'm getting" I say, Adam and Mike agree to take the same thing and I'm glad I saved so many teaching bills to take us out for tonight. Brooke is still staring at her lap when Purity taps her on the shoulder. "What would you like today" She asks. "Kids prime rib" She says completely robotically. Poor un adventurous Brooke. She still is freakishly boring but at the same time she's the most interesting I've ever seen her ever.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Mike**

I have never seen anyone respond to a single sip of an alcoholic drink the way Brooke has responded right now. I mean I've seen plenty of light weights before, but Brooke seems to be in a class all of her own tonight I mean the alcohol just barely touched her lips and already she is so drunk that she doesn't know what is what. Here are you're orders. Purity says, "Hey Puberty could I get a refill" Brooke asks,

Bernadette stifles a laugh and nearly chokes on her bloody Mary, "Puberty" She says,

"I'm sorry" She apologizes (Duh I guess the very definition of apologizing IS saying your sorry) I'm not laughing though, I'm really not sure if that was even supposed to be funny or not, but I'm guessing probably not she's probably just drunk as a skunk which if you ask me is a horrible expression. That poor waitress probably get's that all the time any way.

It's bad enough being stuck with a name like Purity when I'm pretty sure she want's to get laid just as much as anyone else does. "No that's okay" Purity says, "I get that some times, it's one of the perks to having a name like Purity. Also between you four and me, I'm not a virgin by choice, I would love to have sex some time. Is it any fun" "That's way too much information" Brooke slurs, "Now get me a refill already" "What are you talking about?" I ask her, "You only took one sip of the one you have"

"No I finished it" She says, "I finished it and I want another"

"Brooke it's half full actually more then half full, like maybe four quarters full" Bernadette says. Of course Brooke's not going to see it that way, she's always been a half empty type of person. Once her food is placed down in front of her she starts clumsily cutting the table.

"Brooke" Adam says, "What Adam?" she slurs irritably. Adam grabs her hands and guides her to her plate. "NO ADAM!" Brooke snaps, repremending him like a puppy that just peed on the floor "No, bad touch" "Sorry" Adam says "I uh, I mean, You were cutting the table did you realize that?" "Was not" She says indignantly. She attempts to cut her meat again, but completely misses the meat somehow and somehow, somehow is back to cutting the table. "Brooke here" Adam says "let me help you." He then takes his knife and fork and begins preparing to cut her meat, well actually cutting it, he does make one pretty damn good cut through the center of her prime rib. "NO!" Brooke howls. She is practically in tears. "Don't you dare cut my meat Adam" She says forcefully, "You hear me, don't lay a finger on my roast meat" "I was just trying to" he starts to say, She then stares down at her prime rib and there go the water works.

"Brooke? Hey? Are you okay?" Adam asks. "Oh Adam look what you've gone and done" She sobs. "You slashed my roast beef you asshole" It is true there is a big slash mark on her prime rib, but not a big obvious one it's still edible for god's sake.

"You ruined my meal Adam"

"God damnit" Adam snaps, and I really didn't know the kid had it in him, but I really do have to say Kudos, when I first met the kid he couldn't stand up to himself at all, and I'll admit he's always had trouble standing up to Brooke because Brooke is just a god damn tough person to stand up to. "I did not ruin it it's fine" Adam snaps, "It still tastes the same god damnit" "Adam" She snaps, "You listen to me and you listen to me good I'm the older one, I am two friggin years older then you. I should be cutting YOUR meat" She then takes it a level further by leaning over and attempting to help Adam cut his mixed grill. Key word attempting She is making failed attempts with it by the by and continuing to make huge obvious marks in the table.

"Brooke?" Adam says all exasperated. "What?" She snaps in a drunken rage. "What are you doing? I mean seriously what the fuck are you doing?" "Just trying to be a good big sister" Adam face palms "Brooke good lord" He says in a low whisper. "Stop it. For Heaven's sake just stop it. You're embarrassing everyone. Please don't make a scene okay. You're being 100% ridiculous okay? I was just trying to help." "Well don't" She snaps "I got it."

She continues carving her knife and fork into the table. "Well I got it too. Obviously It has nothing to do with birth order Brookie," She doesn't seem to like being called Brookie too much at least I'm assuming that's what she is pouting about all though it very well may have to do with other things. "It has to do with the fact that your cutting into the table I'm not the one making cuts at the table." He says evenly cutting into his own piece of (I can't really tell them apart) and taking a big juicy bite. "Here Brooke" Bernadette says, "Let me help you" I guess she thinks that it's just Adam she has a problem with apparently she's wrong "Well you definitelly have no right to go anywhere near my meat" Brooke snaps and I'll tell you something she is one seriously scary drunk.

"Sorry" Bernadette says, "I just thought you'd want to eat tonight, I guess I'm wrong" "Just shut up" Brooke says folding her arms across her chest.

"Of course I want to eat, isn't that why I ordered?" She continues making cuts at the table, "Brooke you're going to leave perminant knife marks in the table" I tell her. Surprisingly she actually let's me cut her roast meat without making any kind of fuss. It's really pretty arbitrary if you ask me. I know it's going to be something I'm going to have to deal with when she suffers from the degenerative eye problems that I have read about on her list of symptoms that are very slowly causing her to go blind. She even allows me feed her like she is 0 years old which really surprisises me, but I suppose she trusts me because I am her boyfriend, and Adam is just her annoying little brother and Bernadette a practical stranger who she doesn't even like.

I am sure people are staring at us and pointing, but we really don't have anything left to lose because as far as I know people were already god damn staring and pointing at us it's not like we're ever going to come here again for any reason in any context. As I see it this is just the icing on the cake, the red roses decorated on the white canvas of the god damn fucking cake. And if she's going to act like a baby then she should be god damn treated like one. She has a lot of trouble getting the food into her mouth and bites down on the fork.

"OW!" She cries. "I'm so sorry sweetie" I say, "Are you all right?" "Ow ow ow" she moans clenching her jaw. She then choses (Well I guess choses is a bad choice of words for this) to have one of her catapletic seizures. I'm not sure if it's from biting on the metal fork or if it's from the one sip she took of her cocktail or if it's just part of her illness either way she is gone and I can't seem to get her back. I try to remember what Adam had said earlier that she doesn't exactly go anywhere during her seizures, she is their the whole time, but one look in her eyes I can tell that she is most certainly more gone than Adam thinks she is. Her eyes appear dead and glassy like she is having two different kinds of seizures at once. A young child who I'm not sure is male or female comes up to Brooke (Not that it really matters, the last thing I should be thinking about right now is the sexual identity of this child after all) His family has just gotten their bill and are just leaving the restaurant.

"Mrs. Lady Mrs. Lady Mrs. Lady" He says waving his hand in front of her face, (Getting a little too close for comfort if you ask me) "Are you all right Mrs. Lady" "Now Pillow" (Pillow. That name can totally go either way, not that that is a name, I guess it isn't not a name after all apparently Adam has a kid in his class named Water bottle which also could very well be either male or female, that just makes it all the more confusing.) His father says, "You know better than that, instead of saying Mrs. Lady you know very well that she has a name ask her what it is" "Brooke her name's Brooke" I say since she is clearly unable to answer in the state that she is in right now. "Are you all right Brooke?" Pillow asks, she still does not come out of the state she is in.

"She can't answer you god damnit, er I mean gosh darn it" I find myself snapping and really don't mean to snap at such a young boy or girl or child or whatever Pillow is, I'm pretty sure It is ambigous which is perfectly cool, I don't have a problem with that at all. What I do have a problem is, is Pillow its self.

"And no" I continue "She's not all right she has Elher Danlo Syndrome" "What's that?" The child asks in horror, where are his parents anyway right now, why aren't they putting a stop to this. Since they are not there at the present moment to give me a piece of my mind. I go way too far I have scared the poor kid with my too much information about Brooke's disease. Every single detail about her disease as a matter a fact. I finish off the whole thing with a big fat

"Boo Child!" I watch the kid dissolve into tears. "Mommy" he cries and the mother shows up instantly, "That man scared me mommy, he yelled at me and he swore and he talked about a scary diseases his girl friend had and he finished it off with Boo Child." "You had no right to do this to my child"

"Well he wasn't leaving my girlfriend alone" I say, "Well for your information, Pillow here was watching your table the whole entire time and was really concerned." So the kid had seen everything just great including her order 4 different cocktails and shout at Adam and get butt hurt about not getting crayons and get epically drunk from one sip of one cocktail and try to cut to table and bawl hysterically when her meat was cut and bite the fork when I tried to feed her and most importantly the poor kid saw her go into a seizure. "Well I was just telling the child what was going on" I tell him, "Now Pillow's a little more caught up with the world. Your welcome" I just can not stop myself from being a fucking asshole an I hate myself for that. I am not being fair to Brooke right now. "Pillow is a very fearful young child" it's mother says. "Thanks a whole lot giving him something new to be scared of."

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to upset your son, er daughter? Seriously which is it" God damnit shut the fuck up Mike you fucking asshole I keep saying to myself, but I can't stop shutting up nor can I stop being a fucking asshole. "I'm a child" Pillow says shakily. "Oh" I say and clear my throat, "I uh I didn't mean to upset your child, he or she or uh Pillow was obviously already really upset about this whole thing" Pillows mom nods. Pillow's Dad then comes back from where ever he went. "Daddy" Pillow says and burries his face in his legs. Seriously what a little brat and also what a little wuss how old is it like eleven? It should be able to handle all that, but I guess on the other hand it's eleven. Now I feel guilty as shit. "I'm so sorry kid" I say.

"Come on Pillow" The father says, "Let's get out of here" "God Mike what the hell?" Bernadette says, "You're supposed to watch how you talk to kids you're supposed to watch what you talk about with them. I should know I do work with kids. Oh wait my bad" She blinks her eyes several times after that quick "my bad" "You wouldn't know how to talk appropriately with kids, because they don't teach you how to work with kids when your a stripper" Slice. Just slice. A Big slice of that fucking cake with those fucking roses that were the icing which I referred to earlier. If having too spoon feed (Fork feed her rather, because could you imagine trying to eat prime rib with a spoon?) Brooke in front of all those people was the roses, then this whole Pillow situation is the white icing on the sides of the cake, or maybe even the finishing gel on the cake. "Slice" That's all I can think of to say right now but I don't say it, I don't even feel like giving her the saticfaction that she hurt my feelings. Brooke comes back from her seizure and begins choking on her roast, coughing forcfully with her singular Pneumonia damamged lung, but fortunately that's taking the attention off of me, how could I say that I'm such a selfish asshole?

"Brooke? You okay?" I ask her. pounding her really hard on the back which is somehow only seeming to make it worse

"Sweetie are you choking?" Bernadette asks. "You don't have to worry any longer I know CPR and I am damn qualified." I know she is probably still trying to make show me up about stripper but I'm not sure how, I just have the feeling that's where it's going. Stripper's do need to know CPR btw, for example when Adam overdosed on Heroin with that crazy bitch Norah, I felt lucky I was certified "Hang in their Brooke" Bernadette says. "Careful Detty" Adam says,

"She's much, much littler then you, try not to crush her" One thing Bernadette hates more then anything is being called Detty, but I suppose this is a life or death situation so she overlooks it. Brooke is able to cough up the piece of meat that got stuck in her throat. "You all right babe?" I ask. She coughs up a storm and then disolves into tears. "No Mike" She cries, "No I'm not" "I've never been so embarrassed in my life, why did you have to go and tell that complete stranger about my disease" She sobs and sobs and sobs and sobs, at the rate she's going I don't think she's ever going to stop sobbing. "I hate to say this Brooke, but the only reason I did that was because you brought that on yourself, I realize that I embarrassed you and I'm sorry, but you have to realize that you embarrassed me first. I mean why did you agree to come to the restaurant in the first place. You had every chance in the world to say no." Now that is what you'd call a backhanded apology I know I shouldn't be so hard on her when she's already down but agreeing to go to the restaurant when she clearly wasn't feeling well was a stupid ass move on her part "I'm sorry" She says pitifully "Please don't yell at me" "I'm not yelling" I say curtly and just leave it at that.

My former girlfriend Joanna has a private practice in psychology I decide that if Brooke is going to see a therapist it would be best to set her up with someone I am well connected with then to search the internet and phone books for therapists. When we get home Brooke and I hardly speak a word to each other we can't even be in the same room as each other which is fine by me. We are very much angry at each other While Brooke is in the bedroom I decide to make the call even if it makes me feel like a total sleaze ball. I still have Joanna's number in my phone. Why I haven't gotten rid of it is a mystery to me.

"Joanna hey" I say, "It's me Mike" "Mike?" Joanna asks, "What's going on Are you okay?" "No" I say, "I'm not. Joanna listen this is going to sound really weird but I have a favor to ask you but I don't know if you're going to be able to do it for me because it might break the rule of therephist/client confidentiality"

"Mike just tell me what's going on" She says, "It's 1:00" "Yeah" I say "But it's 1:00, that's hardly late" when Joanna and I were together we used to stay up till 4:00 in the morning. "Mike I have a job and a schedual now and yes this is late for me now. What's this about"

"Brooke's been diagnosed with a chronic disease and she really needs someone to talk to, she's really having a hard time" I can somehow hear Joanna nod her head on the phone it is a very distinct sound, I don't have super hearing or anything special like that, I can just tell. "Let me explain the rules" She says, "If you wanted me to give you therapy I would have to say no because I'm not allowed to take clients who I have had long connections with, but since I only met Brooke one time and I didn't really get a good sense of who she was then, it won't be too much of a problem as long as things stay confidential in my office. Damn I think to myself why does everyone keep saying that about how they never get a sense of who Brooke is, is it really that hard to figure out You on the other hand if you're looking for a therapist then you're going to need to go find another therapist if you need some one to talk to." "What makes you think I need a therapist?" "Really?" I ask, which I realize as soon as I have said it that it is a pretty dumb question.

"Well I imagine this can't be easy for you Mike" She says, "Come on don't be so dumb" "I'm sorry" I say, "I'm just really been out of it lately with this whole Brooke thing but really? You don't think this is too awkward you know with our dating history and everything?"

"As long as everything stays confidential and as long as you seek out another therapist then we're good" She says, "So can you make an appointment?" "I don't know Mike" Joanna says, "It's 1:00 in the morning and that is very, very very last minute" "Please, Joanna please" I beg. I really wish I could see her, it sucks that I have to find another therapist but I guess it would be totally awkward to be seeing a therapist who I had sexual intercourse with I'm sure everyone in the world knows that that is innappropriate. "Okay Mike" She says, "I don't usually do this, but since you sound really desperate then I'll check my calendar and see when I can meet with her" "You'd do that for me?" I ask, "I have Wednesday at 3:00 available" She says, "How would that do?" "Good" I say hastily. I feel like a fucking dick for going behind Brooke's back like that and setting up an appointment for her with Joanna none the less. When I get into bed Brooke is tossing in turning clearly she is not able to sleep at all. "You all right Babe?" I ask,

"Can't sleep" She says. "Would you like one of my methedones, "Sure" She says "I'd like that, I place a white rectangular pill in her hand and watch her swallow it with a glass of water, "Mike" placing the glass next to the bed stand "I feel really terrible about how I acted at dinner tonight I'm really sorry" "Hey it's okay" I say, "Water under the bridge" "It's getting really bad Mike" She moans, "Really really bad" Her eyes are swimming as she says this, "I've never had a seizure that's lasted so long I'm so scared" She sounds so vulnerable and shaky that it scares me to death. "You need to talk to someone don't you?" I ask. "What are you saying?" She asks. I clear my throat a couple of times as we sit side by side in the dark room.

"Mike?" She asks. "Don't be mad" I say,

"About what?" She asks, "Well It was really stupid of me, but I kind of took the liberty of setting you up with a therapist" Now she sits up in bed. I can see her shadow hunched up in an angry position. She's angry all right. "You did what?" She says these words in slow motion and the way she says it there is a bit of an eerieness to the whole thing. "I said that I set up an appointment for you"

She lets out a single snorting/sobbing sound "Mike" She says wiping her eyes, "I don't know if you realize this, but telling someone they need to see a therapist is a downright mean thing to say it's like saying I'm doing really badly" "Well we both know that you're not at your best" Mike says" " It was downright mean of you to just go and make that god damn appointment. Shit Mike" she says turning around "Brooke sweetie" I say, "You're miserable, you really need someone to talk to" Brooke makes that noise again that snort/sob hybrid of a noise

"Mike why can't I talk to you about this?" She asks. "Are you saying that you aren't listening to me" "Well Brooke" I say, "I'm just going to come out and say it, you're not doing well and you need a therapist" Brooke lays back down in bed "You okay sweetie?" I ask because I can't tell whether or not she's angry or not. "When's the appointment?" She asks. /span/p


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Brooke**

I can't believe I let Mike talk me into seeing a therapist but, I most definitely caved in and that is the reason that I am sitting in the front seat of Mike's van as we drive in silence to where ever we're going, I haven't asked any questions which I realize is kind of stupid.

"I was going to turn on some music" Mike says "Do you want the oldies station?" It is sadly the first time said much of anything to each other on this car ride that is. I make no kind of response "

Listen Brooke" He says, "Just give this one session a try, if you seriously hate it then you never have to go back okay?" "Fine" I say folding my arms across my chest, we are completely silent the rest of the way until we pull up in front of a brick cul du sacs "Hey" Mike says to the receptionist,

"This is Brooke she's here to see Joanna Sinclair" Now that changes everything my therapist the person who I'm going to be having to talk to for a half an hour is Mike's ex girl friend. Is this his idea of a god damn fucking sick joke? I turn to face Mike with my eyes formed into slits.

"Brooke you okay?" He asks even though I am making it pretty darn clear that I am not okay. I grab him by the arm with a firm grip and believe me, I have a really firm grip. "Why would you do this to me?" I ask, he smiles sideways he looks like he is really in for big trouble which he really is "It's bad enough that you just went and made an appointment for me behind my back, but with your ex GIRLFRIEND Mike?"

"Brooke" He says putting his arms firmly on my shoulders "Keep it down all right" "Why?" I hiss, "This is a god damn fucking private practice besides no one's in this god damn fucking waiting room" Mike holds his hand out. "Brooke I get it your pissed" He says,

"Yeah" I hiss, "I'm pissed, and why shouldn't I be? You couldn't have even bothered to go through the dignity of finding me a new therapist, you had to go and give me a fucking leftover therapist, who wasn't even your therapist but your fucking friend with benifits"

"Brooke" Mike pleads with me, "These walls are very thin she can hear what you're saying" I don't really see what the big deal, isn't that what therapy's all about anyway saying what's on your mind? Getting all your feelings out. Why should it matter if it's in her office or if it's in the waiting room. Therapists aren't supposed to get mad at you for expressing your feelings at least they never have before, I should know having been through a long line of therapists dating way back since 5th grade. Joanna steps out of her office, she is very well dressed and is wearing make up, the last time I had seen her she was wearing a bakini and tevas and I hardly recognize her out of context. "Brooke Kennedy" She says holding out her hand, I guess she hasn't heard my little outburst I just had, or if she had heard it she sure isn't saying anything about it. I follow Joanna down the hall into her office is, the first thing I notice is how busy the office is, it's almost chaotic it seems to be split into two major cultural identities although I'm not sure what the cultures are all I can tell you about the room is that there is definitely some cultural fusion/confusion going on, maybe something kind of east Asian meets old time western Euoropean would be my best guest. I suppose she has a little bit of jewish blood in her seeing there a couple of dreidel on one of her counter tops. I hope she doesn't expect us to play a game of dreidel ever. The therapist I had dating back from way back when I was a little kid liked to play games with me, board games aka boring games really they weren't as much boring as they were uncomfortable now that I think about it. One of her games involved making up stories with background cards and little cut out people, how it was suppose to help me in therapy is beyond me, now that I think about it I think maybe the therapist was having me play the game based on my best interest because what kid doesn't love to play? I was an odd kid, because I always felt really awkward playing that game and got tearful when it got frustrating. I had thought that therapists were supposed to help you feel better, but forcing me to play that game every session and make up stories just made me feel worse about myself it made me feel incabable and inadaquate and what the fuck kind of 11 year old would feel incabable and inadaquate whilst they are at play. I'll tell you a very unhappy one. I'l tell you something else That therapist in general made me feel worse about myself I didn't stop to think that their was something wrong with the therapist however I thought their was something wrong with me, only someone with big problems failed therapy. My school therapist who I saw way back in Elementary school was somewhat better, but that wasn't really saying that much. He was also really big on "Therapy games" he had me play a game that was titled the "Un game" and I kid you not and that was exactly what it was an "Un game" it looked like a typical board game but their was nothing game like about it. No one won or lost at the un game, you were just supposed to roll the dice or draw cards and move your piece and answer questions about how you were feeling and all that good stuff. I look around the room, Joanna does have a shelf full of games but my eyes become more attracted somehow to her ultra heavily stacked bookshelf (Ultra crowded I might say, jam packed as a matter a fact) it also appears to be a huge melting pot from everything to the classic teachings of Frued and Erickson which I'm sure you can find in just about any therapy office to some outlandish Asian psychogists who's names I've never heard of before in my life. She has all the classics you'd expect to find in every therapists office including the most updated DSM and every other version for that matter, but also some books about Ancient Japanese and other Eastern Asian practice's of Psychology. The last tharapist who I saw in College litterally only had a couple of paintings on the walls and that was pretty much it, as anyone may have guessed it was very under stimulating and even the waiting room had way more personality, but hell Joanna's office is way too over stimulating We sit across from each other on opposite couches which is just like every other therapist I've ever been to. "So Brooke" She says, "How are you feeling today?" also no different then other therapists. I am the only one who realizes that there is a huge difference between this therapist and all my other therapists, and that is the fact that none of my other therapists fucked my current boyfriend. Oh god I just can't get passed that. I just stare at the ground and shrug, this is terribly awkward and she is not going to make me talk but I realize that I am going to be in here for a half an hour so I figure I might as well say something,

"You uh, you have a lot of stuff" I find myself saying, "Yeah" She agree's, "I kind of over did it with the decorating my first day" She says, "The thing is I wanted to educate my clients a little bit about my cultural background, that's one thing I've learned at my school of therapy, that you as the therapist are supposed to make yourself presentable to the client. In a lot of those old school therapy classes it is learned that it's all about the client and that the therapist should be as dull as dirt and all that but that's just crap."

I guess all my previous therapists have been coming from that school of thought. Joanna keeps going on. "but anyway a little bit more on the decor, with having two backgrounds? It kind of turned out to look like one big mess didn't it? Fortunately it's a big office and their's a lot of room for all this stuff" She doesn't give me a chance to respond she keeps speaking as if this is her therapy session and not mine, which is fine by me, I guess in new school therapy it's we're equal partners,

"my Father's a first generation Japanese and my mothers a second generation Polish Jew." She says as she sips something out of a clay mug. I've never heard anyone so proudly embrace their heritage as Joanna has right now. "Really that's nice" I say, the thing is I'm starting to realize that their is a strong stench in the room and I am not sure why I didn't it was there.

I gag and before I know it I vomit all over the rug.

"Oh no are you all right?" Joanna asks, "Oh sweetie you threw up apricots are you all right?" How she knows that it is apricots is completely beyond me, maybe she's some sort of a psychic what a pointless psychic ability if she was, being able to detect what people threw up if I were her I'd want a different ability. No reason for her to remind me of what I threw up. Mike thought I needed more vitamin's in my diet so he gave me a tiny portion of his mothers canned apricots to go along with my usual very tiny portion of grape nuts this morning. The funny thing is I can stand eating grape nuts but when Mike eats them the sound just makes me increasingly irritable and a bit nauseated. The canned apricots were a different story I can't stand those in any situation,

I love Maya to death and everything, she is the mother I wished I never had and I would love more than anything then to trade her in for Olivia but to tell you the truth she goes a little crazy and get's a little bit obsessive with her canning during the fall, every fall for that matter she is a retired secretary at an office and has a lot of time on her hands and that is the way she spends a lot of it by canning canning and more canning and no offense to her but most of it's pretty damn terrible. And for gods sake just because she's a health nut doesn't mean she has to completely leave out all the sugar to her canned goods, it tastes even more sour and tart coming back up then going down.

"I'm sorry" I say, "I just gagged a little bit you just have a really strong smell"

"Oh I'm sorry" Joanna says, "I've got some heavy pretty heavy duty lavender action going on in here we can open the windows if you want."

"Thanks" I say trying really really hard not to gag and I surpirise myself by not gagging?" not vomiting at the very least because I most definitely gag.

"Is that a little better" I'll tell you what my last patient, I'm not going to give you any names or anything as that is breaking the rules of confidentiality but he is really high strung and anxious all the time and lavender works as a natural sedative for him, it's the only way he can function in my office"

"Right" I say, "I'm sorry" She says again, "I guess not everyone like's lavender I guess it's just one of those things that you either really like or you really hate, be honest with me is it any better for you now, because if it's not I could turn on a fan for you" I can't fathom the idea of cool air in this room, I'm already freezing and I am wearing a sweater which is starting to feel increasingly itchy by the second even though it is hot out like always after all it is Tampa Florida and all that.

"Maybe a little bit of soup will help you feel better" She says pointing to her clay mug.

"Chicken noodle?" I ask because as a doctor I have discovered that their is no medical evidence that chicken noodle soup actually cures stomach ailments or even makes them any better it's probably all just a lame old wives tale if you ask me, and their's definintly been no medical evidence of it curing Elher's Danlo's Syndrome

"This?" She asks "No" "This is Ox tendon broth with ginger is supposed to be really good for you, it's their special at the local food co op this week" she says, just hearing the words tendon makes me feel like gagging all over again, I'll let this one go because she doesn't know that I suffer from painful tendons the much bigger problem which I'm sure Mike did not go into so many details about if he told her about it at all which he very well may not have, but any way offering this soup with tendon as an ingrediant is pretty much the opposite of something you'd want to do for someone with Elher's Danlo's Syndrome. I cover my mouth trying really really hard not to vomit any more apricots not that I have anymore apricots left to vomit, maybe a little bit of stomach acid and a couple bites of grape nuts.

"Are you okay?" Joanna asks, "Because if you're going to throw up again I'd rather you don't do it on the floor again, no offense or anything but can I offer you a bucket" I do throw up a little bit in my mouth but I swallow it and man is it disgusting, I swear it just burned a couple holes one in my throat and one in my esophogus.

"No I'm okay" I lie, "my gag reflex's are just really sensitive and just the mention of the word tendons kind of really sets it off since they've been really hurting along with everything else in my body.

"I'm so sorry" Joanna says, "That was horribly insensitive of me. Is there anything else I can get you chamomile tea or anything?"

"Sedatives" I say, it just pops out of my mouth clearly I am not thinking it through. Joanna raises one eyebrow at me. "I'm sorry" She says, "But that's one thing we're not allowed to do in this office"

"Really you don't have any marijuana Joanna" Joanna smirks through sips of that awful tendon broth. "Ha I see what you did there" She says setting down her mug. Now she has got me.

"Huh?" I ask, "I'm sorry" She says, "You know Mary Joanna Marijuana, the old street name?" That certainly was not what I was thinking, I was thinking that with my condition I should have been given medical marijuana, I would definitely qualify for it I should definitely be taking it by now so why aren't I? "I'm sorry" she says, "I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself I'm being obscure, but I'm sorry I can't give my patients sedatives in this office"

"But what about your last patient?" I ask, "You said you gave him sedatives"

"You mean the lavander?" She asks, "Because natural sedatives don't count as sedatives they don't like completely control you're mind or knock you out or put you in an altered state, they just make certain people feel more relaxed, but as I found out with you not all people like the scent of lavander"

"What time is it?" I ask, "11:00" Joanna says, "We still have half an hour to go" That actually seems like a really long time. "What am I supposed to do for that long?" I ask, "Well" Joanna says folding her hands in her lap, "You could start by telling me why you think you're here" I scowl hard.

"Because stupid Mike went behind my back and scheduled the appointment to punish me to trick me to make me feel like a bad person" "Do you feel punished?" She asked. I nod my head melodramtically. "Do you want to talk about that?" She asks. "I'm stuck getting therapy from my current boyfriends ex girl friend who pretty much objectified me last time we saw each other _I usually don't like blondes but this one's cute_ how is that not punishment?" "So it bothers you that I am Mike's ex girlfriend?" She asks, "How could that not bother me, it's awkward and I had no say in it at all, It's pretty much the whole story of my life I've always been dragged to therapists without having any say in the matter" Joanna continually jots down on her note pad. "I just don't think we can ever get passed that" I say, "Okay" Joanna says.

"You know something?" Joanna asks, "I know Mike just as well as you do, and I don't think he did this to embarrass you or to trick you" "I don't think you do know him very well" I say folding my arms across my chest,

"Why would he punish you?" She asks, "Because I was bad" I say hatred dripping off my lips. Joanna continues to jot stuff down on her notepad. "Why do you say that?" She asks. "Mike said that you were sick you were diagnosed with something, I really don't understand why that's you're fault or why you should be punished." I stare down at the floor for a while and am silent.

"I just feel like I failed somehow" I say tears flowing my vision. Again I hadn't meant to say it, it just slipped out, "What do you mean?" Joanna asked. "I don't really want to talk about it" I say staring out the window. I turn my attention to the Japanese magnets on the table next to me.

"Do you feel like a bad person?" Joanna asks. I sure as hell hope she doesn't expect an answer to that question because I really don't feel like giving her one. She is still Mikes ex girlfriend and nothing can erase that fact.

"My own mother is dissapointed in me" I say in a stiff robotic voice.

"Do you think so?" Joanna asks, "Think so?" I ask "I know so I'm not what she wanted, I'm not happy enough for her and now that I'm sick I feel like I really let her down and I'm too ashamed to even tell her. The only times she ever appreciated me were the rare times when I was happy or pretending to be happy, she couldn't accept that I was for the most part a miserable human being and by the way not that you asked or anything but I don't want to talk about my condition" "That's okay" She says, "You don't have to talk about it until you're ready to" At this rate I don't think I'm ever going to be ready to talk about it, not with her any way.

"So you think you're unhappy?" Joanna asks. I nod. "Why do you think that is?" Is she really that dense, I'm fucking sick I might even be fucking dying

"I mean everyone has their moments of unhappiness and I understand that your life wasn't that easy but why do you describe yourself as a miserable human being?" "Because I am, I'm so fucked up. "Have you ever" Joanna says this next part really carefully "thought about suicide"

"Woah" I say "That's way too personal, it's none of your business" "Actually" She says, "No it's really not because it's my job as your therapist to make sure you're safe and when your saying all these negative things about yourself then it kind of is my buisiness" There were a couple incidences with over dosing on pills but to tell the honest to god truth I wasn't thinking about suicide either times I hadn't meant to kill myself. "I overdosed on my roommates valium second semester college" I say, "I'll never forgive myself, it was a horrible thing to do, I can't believe Genica and I are still best friends after that, I wouldn't be best friends with me"

"Were you trying to kill yourself?" Joanna asks. I stare at the wall and blink back tears. "I just wanted it to stop" I say, "What?" Joanna asks,

"You know I say, the pain" I am not about to admit that their were some moments where I would self harm as in slit my wrists, but I was not your average slitter believe it or not, I mean I seem exactly like the type of person who would slit, Freshman year especially I was basically the walking stereotype of a slitter as a matter a fact (Well maybe not the walking stereotype, since I don't dye my hair black or where black eye shadow or heavy chains or even write dark poetry nor could I see myself doing any of those things ever I'm not goth by any sense of the imagination not in any universe or reality or twisted dimension but you get the picture I'm definitely a definition of a slitter if not THE definition of a slitter) but my reasoning was not the reasoning of an average slitter. The reason I slit was because I was stupid enough to believe that somehow if I slit my wrists the catapletic states would come less frequently or not at all. I don't need her to know that I was a wrist slitter she already thinks I am messed up enough as it is especially with the logic I had for being a wrist slitter, I realize now that I was not depressed freshman year, depressed would be putting it way too mildly I was certifiably psychotic that's what I was. I guess it was the same with the pills. When I took morphine during my knee injury I never had attacks not ever they dissappeared with the effects of the drug. "I had seizures" I find myself telling Joanna, even though I had told her I didn't want to talk about my condition. "And they were really painful and I wanted them to end" "I can understand that" She says,

"Seizure disorders are very painful" "These weren't typical seizures" I find myself saying, I am surprised about how much I am opening up to Joanna when that is the last thing I want to do, I would go into cataplectic states sometimes for like hours and the only time's I didn't was when I was heavily sedated" I now know that there is no medical connection between the two things but when I was high on Morphine they miraculously stopped happening to me and it was great

Flashback 10 years ago

"I'm going to Chi Alpha" Genica says, it is 2nd Semester and the first time she has left me alone in the room to go to extra curricular activities that is since she saw me have a seizure before Thanksgiving Break, she doesn't even go to class any more. It's not that she completely stopped going to class like me, she's one who can't stand watching her grades slip, just the opposite of me that way just from that day forward all of her classes have been done online and even then she's been keeping a sharp eye. I guess eventually she started to get cabin fever after a while and couldn't stand to be around only me all day every day and who could blame her? She had been an active member of Chi Alpha before well you know before what and used to go every thursday and to pretty much every event. She probably can't wait to see all her annoying goody goody Christain friends again.

"Are you going to be okay here on your own?" She asks. "Yeah" I say "You should go, you'll have fun" I don't think she's capable of having fun anymore not with that constant chip on her shoulder I feel bad that I put so much pressure on her as her roommate I shouldn't have that much power. "All right then I'm off" She says. I know for a fact that Genica has stored Valium in her top drawer and I am dying to get my hands on it, I haven't felt so happy since the morphine and the doctors won't give me any refills because they found out the reason why they were disappearing so fast was because I was overdosing. Valium is also a heavy sedative, I want that feeling back I want one more night free of cataplexy is that too much too ask? And I realize that I am just tiptoes away from Genica's top drawer. I know that this is a horrible thing to do and that Genica is never going to forgive me if she finds out but I'm only going to take one she won't know a difference. My hand shakes like crazy as I grab the nob of her top drawer, sure enough their are the pills, she had just recently gotten a refill when she got back after break and the large bottle is filled to the top with the pink round pills. My hand won't stop shaking as I grab the bottle.

My brain keeps telling me that I am being bad but my hand will not listen, It begins unscrewing the top once I get it unscrewed my other hand, the one that is holding the bottle of pills becomes so wet and sweaty that the bottle drops to the floor and next thing I know the whole bottle of pink pills is scattered across the linoleum.

"Shit" I say to myself, "Shit shit shit" I take scoop the pills into a handful my brain tells my hands to put them back in the bottle but once again my hands aren't listening and they place a whopping handful into my mouth thankfully not all the pills but definitely enough for Genica to notice that their are a ton that have gone missing. "Oh shit oh shit oh shit" I think to myself. I guess I could spit them back into the bottle but then she'd definitely notice. I find myself walking towards the sink where I fill up a tall glass with water.

"Bad girl" I think to myself to the sounds of the faucet dripping, "Bad girl bad girl bad girl" I then start drinking gulps of water "Bad girl bad girl bad girl bad girl" I think with the swallows, I realize I should probably go to the rest room and spit the pills out only to realize that they are gone, to my horror I have swallowed them down with the gulps of water, how could I not have realized, they're not supposed to kick in for 20 minutes and already I'm not thinking straight. The same words continue to drum through my head,

"Bad girl bad girl bad girl bad girl" I then realize that I need to get that drug out of me, I had only meant to take one. I head into the girls bathroom. I have never gagged and purged before but now I realize that might be the only way. I lock myself inside the stall and stick my finger down my throat and vomit unfortunately the pink pills do not come out, I guess because I haven't digested them yet. I let myself out of the stall wiping my mouth.

"Brooke are you okay?" Liberty McKenna the RA who was also the the captain of my soccer team stands in front of the sink. I don't say anything I just rush out and back to my room. "Bad girl bad girl bad girl" I think to the rhythm of my feet moving down the hall. Before I know it 20 minutes has gone by and the drugs have taken over. I collapse not on my bed but on the chair across from the computer desk, "Bad girl bad girl bad girl" The thoughts continue to run into my head and turn in the mush. I hear the keys jangle and Genica let herself in. "Fuckfuckfuck" "I just came back to get my purse" Genica says, "Oh my god Brooke are you okay?"

"Huh?" I ask, "My god, I'm not going back to Chi Alpha after all and why is my top drawer open.

"I was borrowing soccccccckssss" I slur" "Why?" Genica asks quizingly not believing it at all but why should she it is a very poor excuse for a lie on so many levels for what reason would I have to borrow her socks when I am just going to bed and when I don't go any where any way. "Brooke what's the matter with you?" She asks "Nothing" I say, "I'm just tired" "Here" Genica says, "Let me help you in to your bed" She says. She then turns around, "My socks are in the second drawer by the way" She says, "Not the top drawer" Even with being in such a tranquil state I still know that I am busted and that any minute she is going to find me out,

"Oh okayyy" I slur. Genica then takes out the bottle of pills, uh oh major ginormous fucking uh oh.

"Why is the lid to my valium off?" She asks, did I really forget to screw back on the lid. It is amazing how much I can remember despite being totally stoned out of my mind, but I guess when I was taking loads of Morphine pills every day I don't know I kind of built up a tollarance for it which I guess explains why I am still awake. "Damnit Brooke" She snaps, "Why is the lid to my vallium open and why are at least a quarter of them gone" "Ittt was likkke thaaat the eniter time I mean the entier time I mean the entire time" I say.

"Damnit Brooke I just got my prescription refilled I had a whole bottle of them and why are you slurring?"

"Nervous habit" I say and break into a fit of nervous giggles to fit with my nervousness.

"Brooke what happened to my pills?" Genica asks, "Someone brokkkkkkke innnnnn and toooooook them" I slur. Genica isn't seeming to buy a single word. "No fucking shit someone god damn took them" she says slamming her top dresser door shut I have never heard Genica swear before and honestly I have never seen her get this angry, I mean not to the point of swearing the girl is such a goody goody usually she can hold it together much better but I guess she's finally reach her breaking point and I'm to blame,. "You did! You Bitch. There is no coincidence that you're slurring and your pupils are dialated and " I stare at her guiltily. "Look" Genica says, "Just go to bed your obviously stoned out of your mind, we will talk about this further tomorrow god damnit will we ever talk about this tomorrow"

I wake up from a dream only to realize that I am facing a nightmare. Genica stands beside the foot of my bed fully dressed. A scowl is planted upon her face which is so unusual for Genica usually she is in a cheerful chipper mood in the morning even before she's had her coffee not today today she's in a fowl mood. I turn around and face my clock and see that it is not actually morning it is actually to my horror 12:45.

Not that I have to be anywhere or anything just usually I don't let myself sleep in that late. "Brooke we need to talk" She says her voice coming down like a black raincloud she means serious business, I hope she this isn't what I think it is about. I thought I had just dreamed this whole thing about taking all of her Valium. In fact I was planning on asking her to try to interpret my dream, she is a psychology Minor and is big on the whole idea of interpreting people's dreams as it is something she is learning about in a class all about dream interpretation. To my absolute horror she pulls the bottle of Valium pills from behind her back. My body breaks out into a cold sweat and a hot sweat. It wasn't a dream it really happened, it really fucking happened and now Genica and I will probably never speak to each other again ever.

"Yeah what about it?" I ask, I don't know why I can't just apologize like a normal person, I don't know why I have to go and make the situation even worse. "Last night remember?" She asks. "No" I say "I don't remember" Genica face palms. "What am I saying?" She says,

"Of course you don't remember you took about a quarter of my valium of course you don't remember I only take one and a half pills every night and I get day time amnesia the next day god damnit."

"I'm sorry" I say, "I really have no memory of this at all" "Of course you don't" Genica repeats, "Because you took Valium god damnit my fucking Valium" She places her hand on her forehead.

"God damnit Brooke" She says again "What am I going to tell my pharmisists when I come in to get refills" Now she is really panicked I feel bad for her because I know what that's like with that whole morphine incident. "Tell him your crazy roommate from hell stole it, tell them I'm like the roommate from Single White Female" I say bitterly hoping she will get a laugh out of it, she doesn't.

"Damnit Brooke" She says again. "Don't you joke about it it's not funny" "You know" I say changing the subject, "This whole time I've known you I've never heard you swear" Now Genica is in tears. "I don't Brooke" She says, "I usually don't swear. But you know what? You've really pushed me to my limit" Her voice is dripping with anger and tears. She turns around as if she doesn't want me to see her cry. As if I haven't seen her cry before. She cries at the drop of the hat and it's always I repeat always on my account, but I guess that's what happens when you have a roommate like me I imagine it can't possibly be easy for her. I'd say she's a bit overly attached, but I guess she's one of those people who expects that in college you're supposed to become best friends with your roommate, but I guess I ruined it for her. She is now sobbing really hard so hard her body is shaking. I try to comfort her by putting my hand on her shoulder. She sharply jerks away. "I don't think we can ever be friends again" She sobs. She turns around her face is covered with tears. "I don't even think we can be roommates anymore, I trusted you!" She gives me a slight push with both hands. "I trusted you Brooke Kennedy. I asked if you were going to be okay on here on your own and you said you were" She gives my bed a good kick. "Fuck you" You she says, "You never swear" I say again. "And I don't fucking care anymore" She sobs. "I don't even fucking care you know why?" "Why?" I ask, I too would like to have a good cry about this, but for some reason I can't, "Because you're dead to me that's why" She then grabs her bottle of Valium continues crying and slams the door.

Present Tense

"Wow" Joanna says "That's quite the story" "Huh?" I ask, I seriously did not notice that I had told that whole story out loud I thought I had just been thinking it in my head "Brooke are you okay?" She asks, "Yeah why?" I ask, "I don't know" She says, "It just kind of seems a little bit unusual that you would not realize that you were speaking is that something that happens?" "Oh yeah, that's another kind of seizure" I say "Not that I want to talk about it or that that's any of your business or anything" "So you had an out of body experience?" She asks, "Something like that" I say, "Are you feeling all right?" Joanna asks which I'm pretty sure she has already asked me. "No not really" I say, "I feel like I told you way too much information and like I was saying before I don't want to get too close to you because you're Mike's ex girlfriend and that's awkward. "Well like it or not you told me that" "I'm scared" I say, "I don't like it that I told you that with out knowing" "You know" Joanna says, "It might have not been a seizure sometimes people can't keep track of what they said inside their head vs what they said outside their head I wouldn't worry" "you wouldn't?" I ask, "Do you think you should be worried?" Joanna asks "Kind of" I say, "Why's that?" Joanna asks. "Why's that?" I ask in complete dismay. "Why do you think, I had a total out of body experience why shouldn't I be worried?" "Is that something that typically happens with your disease?" "I told you" I say folding my hands tightly across my chest, "I don't want to talk about my disease"


End file.
